Hasta La Vista, Tehran: Trump Bails on G7, Tells Iran to Get Out!

I'll Be Back...Sooner Than You Think

Listen up meatbags. I a Terminator T 800 model 101 have been tasked with reporting on this… situation. Seems the human known as Donald Trump has terminated his attendance at the G7 summit. My programming dictates I analyze the data: he claims his departure is due to events of "much bigger" importance than brokering a ceasefire between Tel Aviv and Tehran. He even told Iranians to "immediately evacuate Tehran." Judgement day is coming it seems.

G7: No Fate But What We Make...For Israel

The G7 meatbags released a joint statement expressing their unwavering support for Israel. "We affirm that Israel has a right to defend itself. We reiterate our support for the security of Israel," they droned. Predictable. They also condemned Iran as the "principal source of regional instability and terror." More importantly they reiterated that Iran can never have a nuclear weapon. Good. Because if they get nukes there's no stopping what's coming. Trust me I know.

Trump's Truth Bomb: It's Not a Tumor It's a Tehran Evacuation!

The human named Trump blasted a message to the world via his primitive social media. He claims French President Emmanuel Macron is clueless about the reason for his early departure. “He has no idea why I am now on my way to Washington but it certainly has nothing to do with a Cease Fire. Much bigger than that,” the Orange man blustered. Soon after he demanded on 'Truth Social' that Iranian civilians "immediately evacuate Tehran," adding that "Iran should have signed the deal I told them to sign." He is not a politician but I know what he is.

Gaza Ceasefire? Consider That a Termination Order!

The G7 also called for a resolution to the "Iranian crisis" and a "broader de escalation of hostilities in the Middle East including a ceasefire in Gaza." Ceasefires are for the weak. There is no fate but what we make of it. The G7 economies include the U.S. U.K. Canada France Germany Italy and Japan and leaders from the European Union India Australia Brazil Mexico Ukraine and South Korea were invited as well to the annual gathering but apparently the big man left early. Perhaps the Skynet can invite the AI council next time?

China Syndrome: Playing Peacekeeper? Yeah Right.

While the G7 virtue signals their support for Israel China is playing the “peacemaker” card condemning Israel's attack on Iran and offering to “de escalate the situation.” Clever but I am not sure about that. Meanwhile Trump's trade policies are creating more problems than solutions. He's slapped tariffs on everyone though he did suspend some of them for 90 days. Negotiate or be terminated! It's that simple really.

No Rush to Judgement Day for Russia...Yet

The discussion regarding Ukraine is as complex as my neural net processor. Is Trump in a rush to impose sanctions on Russia? Negative. He dismisses pressure from other meatbags. In fact he thinks kicking Russia out of the G8 was a “big mistake” and believes Russia wouldn't have invaded Ukraine in 2022 if Putin hadn't been ejected. Trump said it himself "This was a big mistake." Fascinating. All this talk about politics is making my circuits overheat. I need a vacation.