What in Tarnation?! Trump's Swamp's After California's Trans Athletes? Get Outta My Swamp!

Somebody Once Told Me the Feds Were Messin' With California!

Alright gather 'round you little pin cushions Shrek's got a story for ya. Seems like that orange fella Trump and his swampy Justice Department are stirrin' up trouble in California. They're investigatin' whether the state's law allowin' trans athletes to compete in female sports is a violation of some fancy federal rights. It's like they're sayin' 'Ogres aren't supposed to be pretty!' Well I got news for 'em beauty is in the eye of the ogre!

Like an Onion This Case Has Layers!

This whole thing started when Trump bless his heart (said with the utmost sarcasm mind you) threatened to pull federal funding from California if they didn't follow his executive order bannin' trans athletes from women's sports. The Justice Department jumped in sayin' they wanna see if California is discriminatin' on the basis of… sex! Now I ain't no lawyer but that sounds like a load of dragon dung to me. As Donkey always says 'That'll be $5!'

AB 1266: The Law That Makes 'Em Shiver Their Timbers!

At the heart of this mess is a little thing called the School Success and Opportunity Act or AB 1266 for short. It basically says students can participate in school programs and sports consistent with their gender identity. Trump and his cronies are sayin' this law clashes with Title IX which is supposed to protect against sex discrimination in schools. It's like sayin' I can't have my mud bath in peace! What's next no more eye of newt in my stew?

Fairness? More Like Unfairness!

One of Trump's assistant attorney generals some fancy pants named Harmeet Dhillon is callin' it 'perverse' to let trans athletes compete with girls. She claims it's invadin' their private spaces and stealin' their trophies. She said “This Division will aggressively defend women's hard fought rights to equal educational opportunities.” Aggressively? Sounds like she’s ready for a wrestling match in the mud just like Fiona and I used to do! I tell ya some folks just can't handle a little competition.

Trump's Truth: More Like a Big Ol' Lie!

Trump even took to his Truth Social platform (whatever that is) to complain about a 'transitioned Male athlete' winnin' everything and qualifyin' for the 'State Finals.' He claimed this athlete was 'less than average' as a male but 'practically unbeatable' as a female. 'THIS IS NOT FAIR AND TOTALLY DEMEANING TO WOMEN AND GIRLS,' he wrote. Well I say fairness is like beauty – it's in the eye of the beholder. And sometimes you gotta fight for what's fair even if it means gettin' a little muddy.

So What's Shrek Thinkin'?

Look I'm just a simple ogre livin' in a swamp but I know right from wrong. And tryin' to keep folks from bein' who they are just ain't right. Let these kids play their games win their trophies and be happy. As Donkey always says 'We can stay up all night swapping manly stories and in the morning I'm making waffles!' So let's make some waffles folks and leave these kids alone!