What In Tarnation! US Proposes a Donkey-Brained Peace Plan for Ukraine?

Somebody Once Told Me… About This Peace Deal?

Alright alright settle down you fairytale creatures! Shrek here reporting live from… well my swamp! Word on the street – or should I say the muck – is that the U.S. has gone and cooked up a peace plan for that whole Russia Ukraine kerfuffle. Apparently they've been whispering sweet nothings to our European allies trying to sell them on this idea. Sounds like someone's been reading too many bedtime stories eh?

Like an Onion This Plan Has Layers… Of Problems!

This plan supposedly hatched in the fancy pants meetings of Paris involves freezing the war. Now I ain’t no diplomat but that sounds like leaving the ogre babies out in the cold! They're talking about Russia keeping the bits of Ukraine they've already gobbled up. And get this Ukraine wouldn't be allowed into NATO. Seems like someone’s trying to keep the big bad wolf away from the gingerbread man’s house. And just like that it's not ogre it's never ogre.

Sanctions Relief? Oh You Nasty!

Hold your horses folks! There's more! As part of this 'brilliant' plan Russia might get some of those sanctions lifted. Sanctions mind you that were put in place for acting like a bunch of overgrown toddlers throwing a tantrum! Unfreezing assets they say? Well I say who let the donkey write this script? Because it sounds like a fairy tale gone wrong.

Don't Go Making Any Sudden Moves Okay?

Now here's the kicker: this ain’t a final settlement. It's more like a 'let's pretend everything's okay' agreement. The Europeans are apparently twitchy about recognizing Russia's land grabs. Smart move fellas! You can’t just let the wolf waltz into your hen house and expect to be served tea and crumpets. It requires the ingredients just like when Donkey and Dragon got together and made the Dronkeys there's got to be ingredients in order for it to be good.

We Can Stay Up Late Swapping Manly Stories And In The Morning I'm Making Waffles!

But here's the rub Ukraine needs to be brought into this. It's like deciding what to cook for dinner without asking the ogre what he wants! And Russia needs to stop the fighting obviously. Plus Ukraine needs guarantees that they won't get invaded again. It's all ogre now if they can manage all of that.

This is My Swamp! And I Want Some Answers!

So there you have it. A 'peace' plan that sounds like it was cooked up by a committee of fairy godmothers and Prince Charmings. I for one am skeptical. But hey maybe there's more to it than meets the eye. After all even an ogre can hope for a happy ending... or at least a peaceful swamp.