Trump Did WHAT With Tariffs?! Donkey, You Won't Believe This Market Rally!

What in Tarnation Just Happened?

Well howdy there! Shrek here reporting live from me swamp where things are usually quieter than a mouse at a blacksmith convention. But today even me swamp's a buzzin' 'cause the stock market done gone wild! Seems like some fella named Trump pulled a fast one with them tariffs and Wall Street's gone and lost its mind! It's like when Donkey gets into the sugar bowl – pure unadulterated chaos!

Tariff Tantrums and Trump's Truths

Apparently this Trump fella he hopped onto Truth Social (sounds swampy enough) and announced he's puttin' a 90 day pause on tariffs. He even lowered the "baseline" tariff rate whatever that is to 10%. But hold your horses! This ain't for everyone. Seems like China's still gonna get the ogre treatment with tariffs jacked up to 125%! Guess some folks are still gettin' a taste of that 'ogre power' I'm so famous for.

The Market's Gone Donkey Crazy!

This whole tariff kerfuffle sent the S&P 500 soaring higher than Dragon after a good scratch behind the ears! We're talkin' the biggest one day jump in five years! The Nasdaq went even crazier climbin' nearly 10%! It's a reminder that bein' too negative is like expectin' peace and quiet when Donkey's around – ain't gonna happen! This market rally reminds me of that time Donkey drank an espresso pure craziness!

Google's Shiny New AI Toy

Now over in the land of AI the Alphabet folk led by Sundar Pichai (sounds like a fancy elf name to me) are plannin' to drop $75 billion on servers and data centers. That's more money than I've got mud! But remember these things can change faster than Donkey's mind. If things slow down they might tighten the purse strings. But even the thought of Google's big investment gave the market a little boost. Just like how my roar scares away those pesky villagers this news scared away the market doldrums.

Rebound? I'm Feeling the Love!

Some fancy stocks like Nvidia Broadcom and Eaton are havin' a real ogre sized comeback! They're up more than a plate of mud pies at a pig convention! But let's not get ahead of ourselves they're still down for the year. It's like when I try to be all charming and princely – still got a ways to go! But this comeback is a reminder that stocks facing the biggest declines due to tariffs are roaring back just like me when someone messes with my swamp!

What's Cookin' Next?

Keep your eyes peeled for Constellation Brands reportin' earnings this company is best known for its Mexican beers. Plus we'll see what CarMax is up to. On the data side they're lookin' at consumer prices and jobless claims. And because things ain't complicated enough they're auctionin' off $22 billion in 30 year Treasurys. If you wanna know more subscribe to this Cramer fella's Investing Club. But remember no guarantees! Just like life in the swamp anything can happen! Now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go get a mud bath. It's been a long day in the financial swamp!