Yo Adrian, This Guy Torched a Tesla Dealership and a GOP Office?!

Yo What's Going On?

Alright listen up youse guys. This Jamison Wagner see? Forty years old from New Mexico. He's in a lotta trouble. The Feds grabbed him for allegedly torching a Tesla showroom and the Republican Party headquarters over in Albuquerque. Two counts of malicious damage by fire they're saying. That's heavy stuff like getting clocked by Clubber Lang in the third round. I mean what's this guy thinkin'?!

Die Elon? More Like Die Freedom!

Now they say the Tesla place got spray painted with stuff like 'Die Elon,' 'Tesla Nazi Inc,' and 'Die Tesla Nazi.' And the GOP headquarters had 'ICE=KKK' sprayed on it. This ain't exactly smooth talkin' is it? It's like Apollo Creed wearin' a 'Balboa Sucks' t shirt before the fight. You just don't do that! And talk about throwin' your life away maybe this guy needs Paulie's robot to give him some wise words to keep him on the straight and narrow.

Hurling Firebombs Ain't No Political Protest Champ!

Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche he's saying 'Hurling firebombs is not political protest.' And he's right! It's a dangerous felony and they're gonna prosecute him to the max. FBI Director Kash Patel chimes in saying they mighta prevented even more attacks! This Wagner fella was playin' with fire... literally.

Search Warrant? More Like Search and Destroy!

The Feds they got a search warrant and raided Wagner's place. Found all sorts of evidence tying him to the crimes like a box with 'suspected incendiary devices' and a stencil of that 'ICE=KKK' phrase. It's like going into a fight unprepared. Bad move pal. Bad move.

Twenty Years?! That's a Whole Lotta Rounds!

If this Wagner guy gets convicted he's lookin' at up to twenty years in the slammer for each count! That's like fighting Drago for twenty rounds straight! Tesla and Musk they ain't saying nothin' yet. Smart move let the lawyers do the talkin'. And let the courts throw the punches.

Gonna Fly Now? More Like Gonna Rot Now!

This whole thing is messed up Adrian! You can't go around torching stuff just because you don't like someone or something. This ain't about winnin' or losin' it's about respect see? And this Wagner guy showed none. Hope he learns his lesson... and quick. Now I gotta go train. Maybe run up those steps one more time. Yo Adrian I did it!