Good News Everyone! TSMC Laughs in the Face of Tariffs!

Sweet Zombie Jesus! Earnings Exceed Expectations!

Good news everyone! It seems that even the dreaded tariffs couldn't stop TSMC from raking in the dough! They've posted a revenue of 839.25 billion New Taiwan dollars which in my day was enough to buy you a moon base and a robot butler. Analysts those poor saps expected a measly NT$835.13 billion. Shows what they know! And their net income? A staggering NT$361.56 billion! I haven't seen numbers that high since I tried to calculate the theoretical limit of brain slugs in a single room. Oh my yes!

Bucking the Trend Like a Bender at a Robot Rodeo!

While the rest of the market was busy having a 'panic attack' (as those youngsters say) TSMC's U.S. listed shares were doing the limbo! They actually went *up*! It's like watching Bender try to be a productive member of society – utterly baffling but strangely inspiring. Of course any company doing well in *this* economy gives me the willies. If things get any better they'll have to start paying *me*!

A.I. to the Rescue! Or Maybe Our Doom!

TSMC is sticking to their guns forecasting a mid 20% revenue growth this year all thanks to the miracle (or curse) of artificial intelligence. As I always say 'When will they learn that with great power comes great responsibility?' ...and that all that A.I. might destroy us all what what. It's enough to make a mad scientist proud! Or maybe just mad.

Analysts: The Smartest People in the Room! (Maybe?)

Those so called 'experts' are practically tripping over themselves to praise TSMC. Needham is shouting 'Buy!' with a $225 price target claiming the stock could jump 48%. Susquehanna ever the pessimists lowered their target to $250 but still see a 65% upside. Barclays is screaming 'Overweight!' with a $255 target saying TSMC is 'one of the best placed.' Morgan Stanley and JPMorgan are also on the 'Overweight!' bandwagon. One thing's for sure they all seem to love this stock more than I love dark matter.

Merger Mania? Not on My Watch!

TSMC has squashed all those pesky rumors of mergers and acquisitions like a bug on the windshield of time. They're going it alone baby! It's a bold move but as I always say 'I don't like the looks of those numbers...I'm scared!' ...but not for TSMC they know what they're doing. For now...

CNBC Pro LIVE! My Kind of Party!?

And if you're some kind of financial wizard or just have too much money CNBC Pro is throwing a shindig at the New York Stock Exchange. Seems like a bunch of rich folks giving each other awards. A Pro LIVE event? Sounds like a good way to lose a few dollars! But me? I'll stick to inventing doomsday devices in my lab. It's much more profitable and significantly less…alive!