Good News Everyone! Buffett Retires, Moats, and Foolproof Investments!

Wernstrom! A Retirement Announcement!

Good news everyone! That old fossil Warren Buffett has finally decided to hang up his hat after hoarding more money than I've lost inventions. Seventy five years he's been at it accumulating a net worth so vast it's practically another universe. A universe I could probably invent a device to shrink package and sell for a tidy profit! But the question is how did he do it? Was it the luck of the Irish or perhaps... *whispers* ...mutant powers? I need answers!

Castles Moats and Intrinsic Value...Oh My!

According to that young whippersnapper Bill Gates Buffett views investments like castles. A good business is like a castle with a moat and the goal is to ensure that the moat is always growing. Now I've built a few castles in my day mostly out of spare doomsday devices but the moat analogy is intriguing. He focuses on intrinsic value which means ignoring the stock market's mood swings and looking at the business's core fundamentals. Cash flow debt earnings consistency—the boring stuff really. But apparently that's what separates the Zoidbergs from the Zuckerbergs. Wernstrom!

Annual Reports: The Secret Scrolls!

Buffett reads annual reports like they're forbidden scrolls containing the secrets of the universe. He wants to know how the company has progressed what its strategy is and whether it can survive the rigors of competition. I once tried reading an annual report but I fell asleep halfway through. Turns out inventing things is much more exciting than balancing spreadsheets. Who knew? Still it is important to remember that I'm a Professor of Planet Express and so therefore know much about all things in the universe!

Cash is King (and Queen and All the Royal Family)!

A business with little debt and positive cash flow is music to Buffett's ears. He says it's all about the cash flows – putting cash in now to take cash out later. It is important to be like a robot. A robot never has doubts (unless they are self programmed).

Value Investing: Playing the Long Game (Very Long)!

Buffett invests for the long haul ignoring short term market fluctuations. He seeks business models that even a fool can run. Well I know a few fools... Fry for instance. He also likes businesses with monopolies like a newspaper in a town with no competition. Ah monopolies! The key to funding my secret volcano lair if only I could find the right business. Maybe Planet Express can monopolize deliveries to Omicron Persei 8! Oh the possibilities!

The Undervalued Japanese Gems!

In his most recent letter to Berkshire Hathaway shareholders Buffett talked about his investments in five large Japanese companies he believed to be undervalued. He looked at their financial records and was amazed at the low prices of their stocks. Sounds like my kind of investment strategy! Find something cheap slap a few inventions on it and sell it for a fortune! Why didn't I think of that? To the lab!