Good News Everyone! Apple's Hollywood Blockbuster Saves the Day (While Siri Still Struggles to Understand 'Good News Everyone!')

A Movie? At My Age?

Oh my yes! As the esteemed Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth I must report on the perplexing duality of Apple's recent endeavors. One moment they're dazzling us with a blockbuster movie 'F1,' raking in over $155 million faster than you can say 'sweet zombie Jesus!' The next they're fumbling with AI like a confused robot trying to assemble a sandwich. It seems Apple much like myself after a hearty dose of Slurm is operating at two very different speeds. I've seen calculators with more processing power than Siri good news everyone!

Apple TV+: From Costly Side Project to Red Carpet Royalty

Back in 2019 Apple TV+ was like that weird cousin no one wanted to talk about at the family reunion. A handful of shows one artsy movie no one saw and whispers of 'costly side project.' But lo and behold they stuck with it! They nurtured it like a delicate mutant orchid pouring resources into their Culver City operation. Now they're hobnobbing with Hollywood elite and churning out box office hits. Who knew perseverance could pay off? Although I would have preferred to stick with Planet Express.

Marketing Marketing Never Changes...

Remember that time Zoidberg tried to sell vacuum cleaners? This is nothing like that! Apple's marketing machine is a well oiled celebrity studded juggernaut. Tim Cook schmoozing with Brad Pitt? Lewis Hamilton lending his racing expertise? Even push notifications through the Wallet app? It's enough to make a professor with a PhD in everything jealous! But hey at least they're not using my Smell O Scope for nefarious purposes… yet.

Siri's Existential Crisis

Ah Siri. Bless its digital heart. In a world of ChatGPT Claude and Gemini Siri is still struggling to understand my requests to 'invent the Smell O Scope 2.0'. Wall Street expected a super powered AI assistant but instead got... well Siri. The upgrade is delayed until 2026? By then I'll probably have invented a device that can read minds! Maybe I should have stayed with Planet Express.

The Ghost of Jony Ive and the AI Arms Race

Jony Ive that design wizard is now teaming up with OpenAI. It's like watching two brilliant mad scientists join forces! Meanwhile Google is lapping Apple in the AI race gobbling up talent like it's free Slurm. Can Apple catch up? Or will they be forever stuck asking Siri 'How do I time travel?'

To Buy or Not to Buy That Is the Question!

Rumor has it Apple might outsource its AI needs to Anthropic or OpenAI. A shocking admission! It's like admitting you can't invent a doomsday device yourself and having to hire a freelancer! Wall Street seems to approve but I'm not convinced. Apple owning its core technologies is like me owning my inventions even the ones that accidentally create alternate universes or turn people inside out. Time will tell if they can pull this off without blowing up the universe...or at least the stock market.