Tesla's Q1 2025 Earnings: Oof, Even My Donos Are Doing Better!

Numbers Go Down... Way Down

Okay besties so I'm looking at Tesla's first quarter earnings for 2025 and… yikes! Revenue dropped 9% which is like if I suddenly lost 9% of my Twitch subs. My Automotive revenue got hit the worst ouch! Even my energy stuff is doing great which is great! The only thing dropping faster is my patience when chat spams 'L + ratio'. Net income plummeted 71%! That's worse than my K/D ratio in Valorant after a 24 hour stream. What happened?

Elon's New Gig: Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE)?!

Apparently Elon's been moonlighting as the head of something called the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). Yes like the meme. And apparently he has a bromance with Donald Trump which has upset some people. I did get mad when Hasanabi unfollowed me so I get it. Because of the association people are boycotting Tesla. It's like when I accidentally said that one thing on stream and got cancelled for a week (we don't talk about that). The thing is those 'progressive customers' are key to EV sales. Big oof!

Vandalism? Are We Serious?

It's not just boycotts though. Some people are straight up vandalizing Tesla stores and vehicles! I mean come on! That's like keylogging your favorite streamer. Not cool! I hope they aren't coming after my Lambo! People are either worried about Elon's political takes or scared their Tesla is gonna get egged. Talk about a hard choice.

Elon to the Rescue… Kinda

Good news kinda! Elon says he's scaling back his DOGE duties to one or two days a week to focus on Tesla. He wants to stop 'waste and fraud' but knows he gotta do better. Investors seem happy as the stock went up! It's like when I promise to play more chill games instead of tryharding in Diamond lobbies... they pretend to believe me. I wish him luck as someone who is involved in many different projects I know it can be difficult!

Reputation Rehab: Is There Hope?

I talked to Eric Schiffer a reputation management guru and he thinks Elon can pull through. He says Elon's got undeniable 'brilliance' and can 'manage the optics'. Apparently Elon's 'superpower' is telling a vision that enhances humanity. It's a bit like when I convince you guys to sub by saying I'll do a hot tub stream… totally for the 'community'! Some Tesla shareholders agree but others? Not so much. Schiffer says some people see Trump as the devil (accurate) so it might take time for them to forgive Elon.

The Options Market: Skepticism Still High

The options market is still being a hater though. They're not convinced Tesla's comeback is real. The price of options is way above average. Investors are feeling better but not *that* much better. So what's a shareholder to do? Apparently you can sell covered calls to smooth things out until the next earnings report. It's like putting a band aid on a bullet wound but hey it's something! Still I'm hoping Elon can turn things around. For all our sakes!