Is This the End of the World?! Expert Says Stock Market Bounce is a LIE!

Stonks Go Up... Or Do They?!

Okay besties so you know I'm usually all about the good vibes and positive energy but I gotta keep it real with you. I saw this article about the stock market and honestly? It's giving me major anxiety. Like remember when I accidentally bought $30,000 worth of stock? Good times NOT! Turns out all those green arrows we saw today might be a big fat *illusion*. Josh Brown from Ritholtz Wealth Management (sounds fancy right?) is basically saying this little bounce is just a 'bear market bounce.' Apparently the market took a serious ouchie recently and this is just its way of like pretending everything's okay.

Thanks Trump? Tariffs and Tears

So why the big boo boo for the economy? Apparently it's all thanks to President Trump's 'reciprocal' tariff plans. Tariffs are basically taxes on stuff coming into the country and these ones are SUPER steep. This could lead to a global economic slowdown or even a recession! Like seriously? Can't we just all get along and trade our stuff nicely? Ugh politics. I need a nap... and maybe a financial advisor. Someone DM me if you know any good ones who won't judge my impulsive spending habits.

Bear Market Blues: 20% Down = Big Sad

Okay so what's a 'bear market' anyway? Apparently it's when stocks drop 20% from their highest point. Sounds like a bad breakup am I right? This article says that the stock market can go up like 18% in a bear market! Okay now you tell me I can get my money back! Josh Brown is worried that the economy isn't changing. Oh no! If Larry Fink says the average CEO says there's a recession what will happen next?

Earnings Season: When Companies Get Shy

So what happens next? Well apparently earnings season is coming up. That's when companies report how much money they made. BUT because of all the tariff drama companies might not even give forecasts! Like they're gonna be all 'we have no idea what's going to happen!' which honestly is not the vibe I'm looking for. Josh Brown says that's NEVER a good sign. Sounds like we should start building our apocalypse bunkers now right? Someone send me the blueprints! I need extra space for snacks and my gaming setup.

Recession Real Talk: Earnings Could Plunge

If the U.S. actually goes into a recession Josh Brown says earnings could drop by 20% to 30%. That's like losing half your viewers on a bad stream! (Knock on wood that never happens!) Plus he says we might see 'weak earnings next quarter'. So basically everything's gonna be bad bad bad. But hey at least we'll have each other right? We can all cry into our overpriced avocado toast together!

Time to Panic? Maybe. Also CNBC is Selling Tickets

So what's the takeaway here? Josh Brown says this little bounce is our chance to protect our investments. Basically time to sell everything and hide under a rock? I'm kidding... mostly. And oh yeah CNBC is hosting some event called "Pro LIVE" at the New York Stock Exchange. So if you wanna go listen to a bunch of finance bros talk about the end of the world tickets are limited! I'll probably just stay home and play Animal Crossing thanks. Stay safe out there besties! Don't forget to hydrate! And maybe invest in canned goods.