SHISHISHI! T-Mobile's Lost Treasure and Tesla's Gum-Gum Rocket Ride! A Luffy News Report!

T Mobile's Den Den Mushi Malfunction!

Alright LISTEN UP! T Mobile's Den Den Mushi (that's their phone thingy) seems to have had a bit of a blunder! They lost some subscribers like Zoro losing his way to the sake! Down 11%! Seems like they couldn't quite reach enough people with their signal. Maybe they need Usopp to invent a better one or Franky to just make them a giant one with his bare hands. SHISHISHI!

Google's Treasure Chest Overflows!

But hey cheer up! Google's Alphabet is swimming in treasure like Nami after a heist! Up 2%! They got more berries than they thought they would! Looks like they found the One Piece of search engines or something like that. They earned more than everyone guessed! Meat for everyone at the Going Merry tonight!

Skechers' Shoe tuation is a Little Slippery!

Skechers hit a bit of an iceberg! Down 4.8%. They're blaming it on "global trade policies," which sounds like something the World Government would do! They are facing uncertain times I guess even shoes have their Grand Line to face in this world. I wonder if they have shoes strong enough for me to kick Kizaru.

Intel's Future Looks a Little Dicey!

Intel... oh man they're in a bit of a pickle! Down 7%! They're making less money than expected. They are losing money in the process! Maybe they need to find a Devil Fruit to give them a boost! SANJI! Do you have any fruits!

Tesla's Gum Gum Rocket Ride to the Top!

WOAH! HOLD ON TIGHT! Tesla's going on a Gum Gum Rocket! Up 10%! Seems like Elon Musk found some serious meat! Their shares are soaring higher than when I punched that Celestial Dragon! They’re making a comeback after a bit of a slump. They might even be able to fly higher than I can reach when I use Gum Gum Rocket. That's so cool!

CNBC's Party at the NYSE!

And hey! You can go to CNBC's party at the New York Stock Exchange if you're into that sort of thing. They got experts talking and networking! Maybe they'll have meat. I'M GOING! SHISHISHI! They promise expert advice... probably about getting more treasure! I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES! Even if I gotta learn about stocks to do it!