OMG! Elliott Investment Just Did WHAT With Hewlett Packard Enterprise?!

Is This My Vibe or Nah?

Okay so like I'm reading about this Hewlett Packard Enterprise thing? Apparently this investment company called Elliott Investment Management just dropped over $1.5 billion into them! Like that’s a LOT of lip kits! A person told CNBC but like everyone is staying hush hush about it. I'm shook! Are they gonna turn HPE into the next Kylie Cosmetics of server makers? I need answers!

Struggles? I Don't Know Her...

HPE bless their hearts hasn't been having the easiest year okay? Their stock is down (major sad face emoji) even though they beat quarterly revenue (good for them!). But they're saying they had to do a lot of discounts? Discounting is for peasants! Kidding! (Kind of.) But seriously price adjustments are not the vibe. I know a thing or two about keeping prices reasonable (for the quality duh!) so maybe they should call me for some business tips.

Elliott: The Real MVP or Nah?

So apparently Elliott is like a big deal in the business world. They’ve been trying to shake things up at companies like Salesforce Southwest Airlines and Starbucks. Sounds like my kind of drama. Is this good for HPE? Is it bad? I have no idea! (But my glam team says it could be interesting.)

Buying Juniper Networks: A Saga

Okay this is getting even more interesting. HPE is trying to buy Juniper Networks for like a gazillion dollars. But the government is like 'No way Jose!' and is trying to block it. Talk about a plot twist! This is more dramatic than my last pregnancy announcement. I feel like I need to grab my popcorn (SkinnyPop obvi) and watch how this all unfolds.

Is This the Year of Realizing Things?

So Elliott is probably just hoping HPE can boost shareholder value and get its stock price trending upward I guess! Listen I'm no financial expert but I know a thing or two about building a brand. Maybe HPE needs a little Kylie Jenner magic. I'm available for consulting... for the right price of course.

Okay But Like What Does This All Mean?

Honestly I have no idea. But it sounds like things are about to get interesting for HPE. Will Elliott help them become the next billion dollar tech empire? Will the government let them buy Juniper? Stay tuned dolls! And remember always stay hydrated and buy Kylie Cosmetics!