Wall Street Titans Clash! Who Will Survive the Tariff Ragnarok?!

Nvidia and Broadcom: Protected Like My Rage?

Bank of America babbles about Nvidia and Broadcom being 'buys.' They claim these companies are somewhat shielded from the tariff skirmishes between the US and China. Ha! Shielded you say? Nothing is truly shielded from the whims of gods or… tariffs. But I suppose it’s better than being utterly exposed like… like a Spartan baby left on a mountainside! *Grumble*

Amazon: Overweight... Like My Axe?

Morgan Stanley… those whelps… reiterate Amazon as 'overweight,' but slash their price target. They speak of lower earnings and delayed visibility. Bah! Such concerns are for the weak. The only target that matters is the one in front of you! But even I must admit even the mightiest empires can stumble. Remember Olympus? I do.

Apple: Buy... Before the Worms Devour It?

Citi clings to Apple declaring it a 'buy' even as they lower their price target. They attribute this to tariff exemptions granted by the… 'Trump administration'? Gods these mortals and their fleeting leaders. Still they predict a rally. A rally? Like the hordes of Hel attempting to drag me down? I shall resist! Apple... Hmph the fruit of knowledge they say. Too much knowledge can be a burden. But perhaps useful to a god... or a Spartan.

DoorDash and Netflix: Deliverance or Deception?

Evercore ISI… who are these upstarts?…adds DoorDash and Netflix to their 'tactical outperform' list. 'Ultra cheap entertainment,' they croon. Mortals always seeking the easiest path to amusement. Netflix like the visions of the Oracle of Delphi perhaps obscures the true path with fleeting images. DoorDash… delivering sustenance but does it deliver true satisfaction? Only blood and vengeance satisfy ME.

Hilton and Marriott: Downgraded Like My Patience?

Goldman Sachs… more merchants of misery… downgrade Hilton and Marriott. 'Deteriorating macro,' they wail. Mortals are so easily swayed by economic winds. I however am a tempest. A storm of rage. I need no 'macro' to justify my actions. But I will concede a comfortable bed is a welcome respite after a long day of…negotiations.

Tesla: Still a Buy Despite the Thunder?

Deutsche Bank surprisingly keeps Tesla as a 'buy.' They speak of 'embodied AI secular winner.' AI? Is this another trick of the gods? Another mechanical monstrosity to rival the automatons of Hephaestus? I shall watch this 'Tesla' with a wary eye. But who am I to deny the power of… well whatever this is! Boy! Explain to me the meaning of 'AI'. But speak plainly. No riddles!