Retail Apocalypse Averted! Costco and Walmart: Havens in a World Gone Mad!

Boy! The World is Ending... Again!

Hmph. Another day another prophecy of doom. These mortals always fretting. They speak of 'volatility' and 'uncertainty.' I Kratos have seen true chaos! I have battled gods and monsters! These…market fluctuations…are but gnats buzzing around the head of Zeus. But even a Spartan knows that gnats can be irritating. Some…so called 'experts' are babbling about havens. They believe safety can be found within the aisles of Costco and Walmart. Foolish. But perhaps…slightly less foolish than the rest.

Costco and Walmart? Are These the Warriors We Deserve?

Victoria Greene of G Squared claims these…'retailers' are 'safe havens' amidst the storm. Safe havens? They sell groceries and oversized tubs of mayonnaise! But…she speaks of 'necessities.' Mortals must eat and clothe themselves even as empires crumble. Perhaps there is a sliver of logic in her words. They are…'defensive,' she says like a shield wall against the onslaught of economic turmoil. But can they withstand the wrath of a 104% tariff?! By the gods that is a hefty price to pay for discounted toilet paper!

The Old Man Yells at Clouds (and Tariffs)!

Former Commerce Secretary Carlos Gutierrez once a believer in the swift resolution of these trade squabbles now sings a different tune. He speaks of a 'territory that no one expected.' Bah! Expect the unexpected! That is the first lesson I learned as a Spartan! He warns of 'more to come,' and that 'damage will be done.' He sounds like Mimir with his endless prophecies of woe! The old fool believes tariffs are a weapon. I say use the Blades of Chaos! They are far more effective for settling disputes…or just general venting of rage.

Tariffs: The Ghost of China's Past!

This…Trump…imposes these tariffs. A 104% tax they say? It is a blatant attempt to control the flow of goods. The echoes of ancient battles resonate. The gods of Olympus hoarded power demanding tribute. This is no different! Will these tariffs crush the spirit of enterprise? Will they lead to famine and despair? Or will the mortals adapt finding new paths to prosperity? Only time will tell. But I tire of waiting. I prefer action! Where is the nearest hydra? I need to take my mind off of this…

The Bond Market: A New Battlefield?

Now they speak of bonds. Debt. A tool of empires and the downfall of many. David Zervos of Jefferies believes that if foreign demand for US debt wanes it signals a new front in this trade war. 'It gets messy fast,' he says. Indeed! Trade wars…bond markets…financial assets…it is all a game to these mortals! A game played with numbers and promises. But the stakes are real. If this war spills over into the bond market it could unleash a tempest of economic fury. And then what? Will the mortals turn to me for salvation? I think not. I have caused enough chaos for one lifetime.

Prepare Yourselves! Or Don't. What Do I Care?

Treasurys are being sold. Billions of them. A test of faith they call it. A gamble on the future. Will the world continue to prop up this…American empire? Or will they turn their backs seeking greener pastures? The wise prepare for the worst. The foolish ignore the signs. As for me? I shall sharpen my axe and prepare for whatever comes. And perhaps…stock up on discount mayonnaise. One can never be too careful.