Boy, Prepare Thyself! Market Doom Looms if Jobs Report Falters!

Hmph. Another Prophecy of Doom?

Fools! They speak of numbers and charts believing they can predict the future. JPMorgan's trading desk in their infinite wisdom foresees a stock market collapse if this 'jobs report' is as pathetic as the ADP's dribble. They say the S&P 500 will bleed if fewer than 100,000 souls find employment. Mark my words these are the whispers that precede the storm. I have seen gods fall for less than this. Boy fetch the Leviathan Axe just in case…

The 'Experts' and Their Predictions

These 'economists' expect 110,000 new 'jobs'. JPMorgan in their arrogance hopes for 125,000. What is this obsession with numbers? They gamble with fortunes based on reports and data. They say if the report is good the S&P 500 will gain 0.5% to 1%. Bah! Such gains are fleeting. Like the joy of killing a monster it is soon replaced by the endless grind to slaughter another. Remember boy "We must be better than this."

ADP's Weakness: A Sign of Ragnarok?

This ADP report… a paltry 33,000 jobs lost. It is said this is not predictive but even a blind dwarf can see the cracks forming. JPMorgan fears the 'economy is starting to sputter.' Sputter? It is choking! Should the report fall below 85,000 jobs they predict the S&P 500 could plummet by 2% to 3%. A 'recession,' they whisper. I have faced worse from the gods themselves! Boy ready yourself we may soon be facing a new kind of monster. One born of greed and despair.

Stagflation: A Word Fit for Giants

Stagflation… a foul word describing a time when growth withers and prices rise. The trading desk speaks of it as a fate worse than death. "At best the Market would see a recession as likely and at worst a stagflationary scenario where neither fiscal nor monetary support is likely to be forthcoming," they say. Do they think I fear such trivialities? I have wrestled with titans and slain gods. Let the market tremble. I will not.

A Glimmer of Hope? Or Fool's Gold?

If this report exceeds expectations—more than 145,000 jobs they say—the S&P 500 might actually rise. A mere 1% to 1.5%. Is this what they call success? Fleeting insignificant. But I see this as a trap. The gods are never content and these mortals are no different. They lure you with promises of prosperity then strike when you least expect it. Be vigilant boy. Be prepared. "Do not be sorry be better."

The Fourth of July... A Day of Reckoning?

This 'jobs report' arrives on a Thursday not the usual Friday due to some 'holiday.' The Fourth of July they call it. A day of fireworks and celebration. But remember even amidst the brightest flames darkness lurks. The gods of finance will not rest even on days of festivity. So let them have their holiday. I will sharpen my axe. And wait.