Boy, Did This Fool Just Crash the Market?! Cramer Sounds the Alarm!

Cramer's Lament: 'Boy!' What Have You Done?

Hmph. This... 'Cramer' speaks of a market crashing. Sounds like the wailing of a beaten draugr. He says the White House a place of supposed 'leaders' is blundering like a blind cyclops through a Nornir puzzle. 'It should not be in our country's interest to have the market crash,' he cries on something called 'Squawk on the Street.' Fools and their squawking devices.

The Plunge: Deeper Than Helheim's Abyss!

He claims some 'S & P 500' tumbled faster than I once fell from Olympus. A three percent drop following a nearly five percent plunge. Sounds like the world is ending. Again. Though I suspect this 'market' is far less resilient than I. Atreus would likely be more steady.

Blame Game: Is It Trump's Fault Boy?

Cramer whines about the president's 'game plan.' 'If you wanted to make the market crash I think you would go with this game plan,' he bemoans. Bah! Such talk is for the weak. If you want something done you take it. Unless it involves understanding economics. Then maybe listen. Maybe.

China's Fury: Retaliation is a Dish Best Served Cold...Or With Tariffs!

Apparently these 'China' folk have retaliated with their own financial blows after someone named 'Trump' announced new tariffs. Sounds like children squabbling over a toy. Only this 'toy' is the world's wealth. 'They have to be careful because I can't think of a single reason in the world to buy a stock.' He said this. A bold statement.

Protecting the Flock: Cramer's Noble Crusade (Or So He Says)

Cramer speaks of protecting the '401(k)' and 'individual retirement accounts' of his viewers. He claims to not want them 'hurt for no reason.' A noble sentiment though I suspect he also profits from their... investments. 'The stock market is the greatest wealth creator of all time' he declares. The greatest he says! Bold claim boy!

Trump's Resolve: 'Do Not Be Sorry Be Better!'

This Trump fellow after the 'retaliation,' vowed his policies would 'never change.' Stubborn as a Jötunn! He also mentioned being open to negotiations if offered something 'phenomenal.' Such arrogance! I once faced the gods themselves for less. Where is my Leviathan Axe... and this Cramer boy?