WHOA! Health CEO Gets BOOM-BOOM'D! (And They Wanna Fry the Guy!)

A CEO Goes Kablooey!?

Okay so listen up buttercups! This Luigi dude right? He's saying he DIDN'T do a boo boo on Brian Thompson some CEO from UnitedHealthcare. But get this: someone decided to turn him into swiss cheese on the streets of Manhattan! 'Rules are made to be broken!' Especially when someone gets turned into paste! I bet he didn't see that coming when he was walking to his stupid Hilton Hotel meeting! BOOM! Justice served... maybe? Who knows I wasn't there... probably.

McDonald's and Mayhem: The Plot Thickens!

The fuzz grabbed Luigi hanging out at a McDonald's in Pennsylvania. Talk about a 'have it your way' moment! They're saying he used a boom stick and was stalking this Thompson fella. Double boo boo! And now they wanna fry him! Like turn him into extra crispy! Talk about a plot twist! Sounds like a pretty good show to me. Where's the popcorn?!

Ideology? Sounds Like a Headache!

Apparently this whole thing was supposed to be like... a STATEMENT! Luigi was MAD at the health insurance industry. So he decided to make a bang! The prosecutors are all up in arms saying he planned it all out like a maniac. They're saying he wanted to 'maximize the impact!' Sounds like someone was aiming for a high score in 'Most Dramatic Exit'!

Death Penalty?! Woah Chill Out!

The Justice Department is screaming for the ultimate KA BOOM! They want to give Luigi the ol' sparky chair treatment. They say he's too dangerous to keep around and that he's gonna inspire more chaos. But hold on a hot second! His lawyers are saying this Attorney General Pam Bondi jumped the gun and made everyone hate Luigi before the trial even started. Talk about unfair!

Loose Lips Sink Ships (and Fair Trials!)

The judge is throwing shade at everyone telling them to shut their traps! She's worried all the blabbering is gonna make it impossible for Luigi to get a fair trial. Like duh! Everyone's already picked a side! Maybe they should all take a chill pill and let the lawyers do their thing. Or you know just blow it all up! Kidding! ...Mostly.

Stay Tuned for More Explosions!

This is just the beginning my little powder kegs! This story is still cooking up! So keep your eyes peeled! This could get interesting. Maybe I should get involved... Nah too much paperwork. I'd rather just paint the town... literally!