TRUMP TARIFF TANTRUM: Europe's Playing Tag, But Jinx Says, "Gotta Go Faster!"

Orange Clown Man's Big Oopsie!

Okay so the Orange Clown Man (you know the one who looks like he got tangoed?) just had a little *hiccup* with his tariffs on the fancy Europeans. Apparently he was gonna slap a giant 50% tax on their stuff. Fifty percent! That's like half an explosion waiting to happen! But then plot twist! He decided to wait 'til July 9th. He probably just needed time to find his wig glue I dunno.

He Said They Said Who Cares! (I Do... Sort Of)

He posted on his Truth Social thingamajig – sounds boring already – saying the EU finally wants to play nice and talk about 'trade.' Trade? Snoozeville! He's all like 'Open up to America!' Sounds like someone needs a lesson in sharing. Remember kids: Sharing is caring – unless it’s explosives. Then it's just awesome.

Slow Walking Europeans? More Like Slow Motion Explosions!

Apparently these EU dudes were 'slow walking' the deal. Slow walking? Seriously? Everything should be fast loud and preferably involve glitter bombs. No wonder he threatened them with extra tariffs tariffs like a bomb with a very long fuse! Which is only cool if you have time to make popcorn or in my case draw some silly graffiti on a wall.

Oh No You Didn't! Tariff Tantrums and Trade Deals...

Last week he was whining that talks were 'going nowhere.' Cry me a river Orange Clown! The EU got hit with a 20% tariff then he changed it to 10%. So confusing! It's like trying to remember how many bullets Pow Pow can hold. Complicated! All I know is that the tariffs are hitting them hard like a super mega death rocket… in the wallet!

Ready to Rumble!

The EU peeps are all 'We want a deal but not at any cost!' Ooh sounds like someone's got a backbone. The EU Commission is threatening back with their own tariffs – $107.4 billion worth. That's enough to buy a whole mountain of glitter and make some truly epic fireworks! The president lady in the EU posted on X that they were “ready to advance talks swiftly and decisively”. Talk about the need for speed!

Waiting Game: Tick Tock Goes the Tariff Bomb!

So everyone's talking posting and probably drinking way too much coffee. The EU's trade guy had 'good calls' with some other guy. Yawn! Wake me up when something explodes. Honestly this whole thing is like waiting for a really really slow bomb to go off. Time to find something more exciting to do. Maybe paint a mural of Fishbones on the side of a skyscraper? Now that's what I call progress!