Pope Leo XIV Says No More Boom Booms! (But Where's the Fun in That?)

New Pope Who Dis?

Alright Powder Monkeys! Jinx here reporting live from… well not Piltover but some place almost as stuffy. Word on the street is this new Pope Leo XIV is telling everyone to chill out and stop fighting. He apparently wants a world filled with… *shudders*… peace. Yeah right! Like that's ever gonna happen. Where's the fun in that? No explosions? No mayhem? No shiny things going BOOM?

Ukraine? Gaza? Sounds Like Target Practice to Me!

So this Pope dude is all worked up about Ukraine and Gaza. He wants a ceasefire which I guess means… no more target practice? Seriously? What am I supposed to do with Fishbones and Pow Pow then? Knit sweaters? I don't think so! And he wants the release of all Israeli hostages? Well I want cupcake but you don't see me getting it. The guy's dreaming. Maybe he needs a little… *spark*… to wake him up!

India and Pakistan are Playing Nice? Don't Believe It!

Apparently India and Pakistan are having a little tea party ceasefire of their own. Popey Poo is all excited saying he's praying for a 'miracle of peace.' Oh please! Miracles are for chumps! I make my own miracles! With rockets! But seriously those two countries have some differences and when people have differences it always leads to explosions. I'm calling it now. This 'peace' won't last longer than my patience in a tea party.

The 'Miracle of Peace'? More Like the Miracle of Boredom!

He's praying to God for a 'miracle of peace.' Seriously? That's his big plan? Praying? I prefer a more… proactive approach. Like I don't know inventing a new kind of rocket that explodes in rainbow colors? Or maybe teaching everyone how to juggle grenades? Way more fun than praying if you ask me. Which you didn't. But I told you anyway!

Authentic and Lasting Peace? Yawn!

This whole 'authentic and lasting peace' thing sounds incredibly boring. What am I supposed to do all day? Paint my nails? Organize my bullets? Maybe I could teach Fishbones some new tricks like fetching… exploding barrels! Now that's what I call peace of mind: knowing there's always something to blow up nearby. Rules are made to be broken! Like buildings! Or people!

Final Thoughts? BOOM!

So yeah Pope Leo XIV wants everyone to hold hands and sing Kumbaya. Me? I'm gonna go find something to blow up. Because let's be honest a little chaos keeps things interesting. After all 'Questions later. BOOM now!' Besides someone has to keep Piltover on its toes right? And maybe this Pope needs a little reminder that the world isn't all rainbows and sunshine and… peace. It's also explosions chaos and… well me! Jinx out!