CASH IS KING? NAH, MORE LIKE CASH IS A CHUMP! (Says Jinx, Obviously)

Berkshire's Bonkers Bank Balance: So What?

Okay so Mr. Fancy Pants Buffett is hoarding cash like it's candy. A record $334 billion they say! But guess what? Even *he* knows that sitting on that much dough is kinda…lame. He even said he prefers owning 'good businesses.' Translation: Stuff that BOOMS! Cash is just…there. Like Powder before she met me. BORING! 'Rules are made to be broken!' And that includes the rule about keeping all your loot in a piggy bank!

Tantrums and Tariffs: Who Cares?!

Apparently some big shot politicians are throwing tantrums about tariffs making the market all wobbly. News flash: the world is ALWAYS wobbly! If you're scared of a little turbulence stick to playing hopscotch. I on the other hand embrace the chaos! It's all part of the fun! I do what I want! And I'm investing!

60/40 vs. My BOOM BOOM Rockets: No Contest

These 'experts' keep droning on about a '60/40 portfolio.' Sixty percent stocks forty percent…bonds? Sounds like a snooze fest! They claim it beats cash in the long run. Yeah well my rockets beat EVERYTHING in the short run and that's all that matters! 'Here comes the pain!' (and the profits if you're lucky!). They even did some math! Ugh...I am not a mathmagician!

Panic? Please! More Like Opportunity!

People run to cash when they're scared? Idiots! Fear is a delicious flavor! It's the perfect time to buy up all the shiny things they're throwing away. 'Embrace the madness!' I say. 'It's the best medicine!' I would say the same for panic selling your stocks!

Diversification? More Like Distraction!

A 'diversified portfolio'? Sounds like a fancy way of saying 'I can't make up my mind!' Apparently it only gained 10% this year. Meanwhile gold is up 32%! Now *that's* more like it! Shiny AND profitable! Still not convinced. I need to BOOM PROOF my portfolio.

Jinx's Investment Strategy: BOOM or Bust!

Here's the deal: Keep enough cash for emergencies (like needing a new stash of ammo or a quick getaway). But the rest? Throw it into stuff that explodes! Stocks rockets maybe even a giant robot! 'Questions? I don't have any but YOU probably do!'