Buffett's Outta Here?! Time to Turn Berkshire into a Giggle Factory!

Bye Bye Boring Hello Boom!

Okay okay so some dude named Bill Ackman – who apparently isn't afraid of color – is flapping his gums about Berkshire Hathaway. Says when the old dude you know Warren 'Mr. Sleepy Moneybags' Buffett kicks the bucket things are gonna get INTERESTING! Like maybe they'll actually SHARE the loot! Imagine BOOM dividends raining down like confetti at a pow pow party! It's about time they start having some real fun.

Cash Money Chaos!

Buffett that old buzzkill never paid a dividend. EVER! And hasn't touched their own stocks since like FOREVER. What's the point of having mountains of cash if you're just gonna sit on it? That's like having a rocket launcher and only using it to light your birthday candles! This new guy Greg Abel is apparently gonna be in charge. He'll be swimming in a Scrooge McDuck vault of cash over $347 billion! You could buy like a MILLION rockets with that!

Abel solute Power!

Ackman thinks Abel might be a little uh CAREFUL with the big deals at first. Probably scared of messing up Buffett's boring legacy. But hey careful is for kittens! We need some explosions! Maybe he'll buy a giant robot! Or a candy factory! Ooh or a giant robot CANDY FACTORY!

Heroes and Zeroes!

Apparently Ackman thinks Buffett is a 'hero'. Pfft. Heroes wear capes and blow stuff up! Buffett just...counts beans. Ackman's even trying to turn some real estate company into another Berkshire. Good luck with that sparky! You'll need more than just luck you'll need… CHAOS!

Can Abel Actually Abel?!

Ackman seems kinda worried that Abel isn't as good at picking stocks as Buffett. Well duh! Who is? But maybe Abel's got a few tricks up his sleeve. Maybe he'll listen to *my* advice! We could buy all the fireworks in Piltover! Now THAT'S an investment!

Don't Bet Against the Boom!

Even Ackman says he wouldn't bet against Berkshire. And he's probably got enough money to buy a small country. So get ready folks! The sleepy giant might just wake up and start throwing a REAL party! It's gonna be a blast and I'm bringing the boom!