Deli Disaster: From $100M Scam to Thai Prison Brawls, This Story is Toast!

From Stark Tower to a South Jersey Deli?

Alright JARVIS fire up the sarcasm generator because this story is wilder than a weekend in Malibu with Tony Stark. Apparently some folks thought they could turn a tiny New Jersey deli into a billion dollar empire. And I thought I was ambitious building a suit in a cave! These guys Peter Coker Jr. and Sr. along with a fella named James Patten orchestrated a scheme so ridiculous it makes Obadiah Stane's betrayal look like a minor disagreement. A $100 million market cap for a place that probably sells more pastrami than shares? Genius! (Or you know felony.)

Prison Break…Fast Food Edition

So Coker Jr. gets himself pinched in Thailand while on the run. Thailand huh? I hear the Pad Thai is killer but the prison hospitality? Apparently less so. Ten inmates decided to give him the 'full Bangkok experience,' which according to his lawyer was less of a spa day and more of a beatdown. And to top it off our boy was apparently polishing off a bottle of whiskey a day before his arrest. Now that's a Stark level drinking habit! Though I prefer my scotch with a little less existential dread. "The assault and the horrors I experienced in Bangkok prison I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy," Coker Jr. said. Well maybe not your worst enemy but possibly Justin Hammer? "It was the lowest point in my life," he added. You and me both buddy.

Daddy Issues and Financial Fiascos

Meanwhile back in the U.S.A. Coker Sr. is getting off relatively easy. Six months in the slammer six months of house arrest and a hefty fine. The judge said she would have thrown the book at him if he wasn't so old. I feel you your honor sometimes you just gotta cut the elders a break unless they're trying to kill you with a mind control device (looking at you Ivan Vanko!). The defense attorney even pulled the 'think of his wife!' card. Smooth move counselor. Though I'm pretty sure Pepper would stage an intervention if I tried to use that one.

The Einhorn Effect: Pastrami and Profits

Ah the infamous David Einhorn. Turns out a well placed hedge fund manager can be more dangerous than a room full of Ultron bots. Einhorn blew the whistle on this whole operation noting the insane market cap of a deli that probably spends more on mustard than marketing. "The pastrami must be amazing," he quipped. Clearly he's never tasted my arc reactor powered panini press. That thing makes a sandwich you wouldn't believe.

Worthless Companies and Esoteric Structures

The judge really nailed it when she said the companies were worthless. Newsflash: building a house of cards on a foundation of pastrami isn't exactly a sound business strategy. And apparently this whole scheme involved an 'esoteric corporate structure' that even she didn't want to understand. Tell me about it. I once tried to explain quantum entanglement to Rhodey after a few too many martinis. Let's just say it ended with a broken lamp and a very confused War Machine.

Greed: The Ultimate Villain

At the end of the day this whole mess boils down to one thing: good old fashioned greed. As the judge put it "What is the motivation here other than greed?" Indeed. It's a tale as old as time folks. Whether it's trying to corner the palladium market or inflating the price of a sandwich shop someone always gets burned. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to make sure my own financial portfolio isn't invested in any… questionable… delis.