Southwest Airlines Ditches Free Bags: Is This a Case of 'He Who Must Not Be Named' Level Evil?

The End of an Era: Two Free Bags Bites the Dust!

By Merlin's beard! This is Harry Potter reporting and I've just heard the most dreadful news. Southwest Airlines bless their cotton socks is ditching its famous 'two bags fly free' policy! Can you believe it? It's like finding out Dobby's been charging for cleaning services all along. Starting Wednesday they'll be charging $35 for the first checked bag and $45 for the second. Honestly it's enough to make you shout 'You Know Who'!

The Dark Arts of Revenue Generation

Apparently U.S. airlines raked in a whopping $7.3 billion in baggage fees last year. Even Southwest who vowed to uphold their free baggage honor buckled under pressure. It seems Elliott Investment Management who's about as charming as a Dementor bought a stake and started pushing for these changes. They've got five board seats now probably plotting to replace Butterbeer with something… unspeakable.

Basic Economy: Even Worse Than Gillyweed?

As if charging for bags wasn't bad enough Southwest is also introducing basic economy tickets. You know the kind where you're treated like a Nargle shoved to the back of the line and your ticket credits expire faster than Neville's memory. They're even axing the 'Wanna Get Away' fare! It's all becoming quite… *fowl* if you ask me.

Assigned Seats? What is this Muggle Classrooms?

And hold onto your Firebolts folks! Southwest is planning to introduce assigned seats in 2026! I mean what's next? Mandatory Quidditch practices? The airline is also adding seats with extra legroom that cost more. Do you know how much time I spent on the Knight Bus with almost no legroom whatsoever?! At least Hagrid's tea kept me warm!

Will the Chaos Reign?

The airline executives are expecting a surge in carry on luggage so they're installing larger overhead bins. It's like preparing for a dragon attack – you think you're ready but you're probably not. They're also equipping staff with mobile bag tag printers. Hopefully they're faster than Ron trying to mend his wand with Spellotape.

The Public Verdict: Is Southwest Airlines Voldemort?

Predictably the internet is furious. Southwest can't even post pictures of cute puppies without getting bombarded with angry comments about the new baggage policy. But CEO Bob Jordan claims they haven't seen a dip in bookings. Maybe everyone's just in denial like when we all pretended Voldemort wasn't back in fourth year. Time will tell if this is just a blip or a full blown 'avada kedavra' to Southwest's reputation. Over and out!