Accio Stocks! Potter's Ponderings on Potions, Profits, and Predictable Portfolios!

The Boy Who Lived… and Invests!

Right so apparently the Muggle world is all aflutter about something called the 'S&P 500.' Sounds a bit like a particularly nasty spell Snape used to brew doesn't it? Anyway it's 'closed at another record high,' whatever that means. I suppose it's better than Voldemort closing at another record high... though perhaps not for my stress levels. Seems this President Trump bloke made a deal with Vietnam; maybe he was trying to recruit a Quidditch team wouldn't surprise me. And they're voting on a 'megabill' – sounds like something Arthur Weasley would be fascinated by! Also they're closing early and are closed tomorrow because something called 'The Fourth of July' – sounds like a spell gone wrong if you ask me but what do I know about Muggle holidays.

Unemployment Rate? More Like Unenchantment Rate!

The 'government' (presumably not Cornelius Fudge this time) reported some numbers about 'nonfarm job additions.' Sounds like a particularly dull Charms class if you ask me. Apparently the 'unemployment rate' dipped. Honestly it's all Greek to me but the data makes it 'tougher for Trump to argue for a Fed interest rate cut' – I have no idea what any of this means but I’m sure Hermione would. Maybe I should borrow her time turner and figure this all out!

China Chips and… iPhones? Blimey!

Apparently the U.S. lifted some trade curbs on China regarding 'electronic design automation software.' Sounds like something you'd need to build a really complicated Sorting Hat! And Apple iPhones are selling well there – even Muggles are obsessed with shiny things just like Gringotts goblins. Though I’d rather have a Firebolt thank you very much. Much more practical for evading Death Eaters or you know traffic.

Bank of America's Best Bets: Expecto Patronum… of Profits!

Bank of America (sounds a bit like a particularly stuffy wizarding bank) revealed their 'best stock ideas.' Apparently 'Cisco Systems' and 'Boeing' are on their watchlist. Sounds like a very Muggle version of a Quidditch team. I’m sure Ron would have a funny thing or two to say about this stuff! Anyway looks like these are the stocks to watch. Like spotting a Golden Snitch I suppose.

BlackRock's Price Target: Higher Than a Nimbus 2000!

Wells Fargo (not to be confused with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes) raised its 'price target' on BlackRock. That's good right? Sounds like a particularly high stakes game of Exploding Snap. They 'expect an OK quarter,' whatever that means. Still better than an awful quarter I presume. BlackRock reports on July 15 – mark your calendars Muggles! Or don't. Up to you really.

Goldman Sachs: Stress Tests Easier Than Herbology?

The Financial Times (not sure if they deliver by owl) says Goldman Sachs was the 'biggest winner of easier Fed stress tests.' Sounds like they had a particularly easy time with Professor Sprout's class. They raised their dividend. Good for them! I wish Gringotts was so generous with my vaults. Maybe I should stage a goblin rebellion…