Trump's iPhone Tariff Threat: Master Chief Says 'Negative, I Don't Like It'

Wake Me When You Need Me... To Understand Tariffs?

Alright Marines settle down. Cortana flagged this 'tariff' situation on my HUD. Apparently someone wants to slap a tax on iPhones. Made outside the US they say? Negative I don't like it. Seems like a plasma grenade to Apple's bottom line. I've faced down the Covenant the Flood and now... economics? This could be a one way trip to a very bad place.

A $3500 iPhone? That's More Expensive Than a Warthog!

This 'analyst,' Ives says making iPhones here would cost a fortune. $3,500? I could buy a souped up Warthog for that price! And those things can take a beating. Ives says moving production here is a 'fairy tale.' Sounds about right. Last fairy tale I heard ended with a talking rat and a pumpkin carriage. I’ll stick with blasting aliens thank you very much.

Five to Ten Years? We Don't Have That Kind of Time!

Five to ten years to move manufacturing? That's an eternity! The Covenant would've glassed Earth three times over by then. We need solutions now not in some distant future. Besides I’ve got enough on my plate saving humanity. I don't have time to micromanage phone production. 'I need a weapon.' And apparently a crash course in international trade.

Herculean Logistics? Sounds Like a Job for Spartans.

Ives is talking about 'Herculean like supply chain logistics.' Sounds like a challenge! We Spartans are built for challenges. But even I'd rather face a Hunter than untangle global supply chains. Although maybe with enough M6D Magnums we could sort things out. Nah probably not. Even I'm not that crazy.

Tim Cook's Got This (Probably)

This Cook guy the head honcho at Apple apparently knows his way around politics. Good. He's going to need it. Negotiating with…well *them* is tougher than taking down a Scarab. Here's hoping he can pull a rabbit out of his hat. Or you know a tariff exemption.

Outperform Rating? Sounds Like a Good Omen.

Ives still thinks Apple's going to do well even with this mess. Says their stock could go up. Well I've seen worse odds. Still I'm keeping my eye on this. The fate of humanity might not depend on it but access to my favorite apps kinda does. Carry on.