Disney's Hulu Conquest: One App to Rule Them All, Says Iger

Cortana Analyze This! Disney Grabs Hulu

Chief checking in. Seems like Disney finally wrestled Hulu into submission. Bob Iger that's the Disney big cheese says owning all of Hulu is "the first big step" to making money. Shares went up so someone's happy. But let's be real the UNSC doesn't throw parties every time the market sneezes. We're more about fighting aliens but hey a win's a win right?

Show Me the Money! Billions Change Hands

Disney coughed up an extra $438.7 million on top of the billions already paid for NBCUniversal's slice of Hulu. Apparently there was a disagreement over how much Hulu was worth and some third party had to step in. Sounds like a negotiation tactic straight out of Covenant Central Command. Glad I wasn't negotiating I prefer settling disputes with a well placed plasma grenade.

Bundling for Dummies: Iger Explains the Obvious

Iger's talking about bundling Disney+ Hulu and ESPN into one mega app. He says it'll be a "seamless experience" and save money. Translation: make it easier for you to spend your credits and harder to cancel. Smart move but I've seen smarter from Grunts trying to steal my Warthog. Still a unified app? Maybe I can finally watch 'Bambi' without switching screens after a 'Halo' firefight.

Churn Engagement and Other Buzzwords That Make My Head Hurt

Apparently bundling leads to “increased engagement greater advertiser opportunities lower churn...” My neural implants are starting to smoke just reading this. Basically they want you hooked. Like a Grunt on plasma grenades. The more you watch the less likely you are to cancel the more money they make. Makes sense I guess even to a Spartan.

From Family Friendly to Fight Night: Hulu's Content Arsenal

Hulu's got all sorts of shows and movies which Disney hopes will complement their squeaky clean image. Think of it as bringing a Needler to a tea party. Unexpected but potentially effective. It's all about keeping you entertained whether you're into princesses or exploding aliens. Balance right?

Theme Parks and Stock Prices: This is the Way

Disney's theme parks are doing well even if the economy's acting like a wounded Elite. People love their Disney vacations and apparently they're keeping the prices somewhat reasonable. They even opened a new park in Abu Dhabi. Good for them. Now if you'll excuse me I need to go practice my autograph for the next time someone confuses me with Mickey Mouse. The stock's got a 1 rating and a $130 price target. Remember this is not investment advice even I am not that dumb.