Is Costco the Ultimate Doomsday Prepper Paradise You Won't Believe What's in Aisle 7!

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. And Bulk!

As Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) I Dwight K. Schrute take market volatility VERY seriously. Loop Capital a firm of obviously intelligent individuals (probably not as intelligent as me but still) believes Costco could be the ARK for our economic flood. A sanctuary! They say that during tough times people flock to Costco like bears to honey. Or more accurately like bears to beets... because bears eat beets right? I'll have to fact check that. Anyway Loop maintains a 'buy' rating even after lowering the target price. This is… acceptable.

Tariffs? More Like Terrifying!

President Trump's tariffs on 86 COUNTRIES?! This is the kind of aggressive protectionism I can respect! But also a bit scary. Like a scarecrow made of Wolverine claws. Investors are FREAKING OUT about a possible recession. But fear not loyal readers! Costco is often viewed as a safe haven during these turbulent times. Because when the apocalypse comes you'll want to be surrounded by 30 roll packs of toilet paper and vats of mayonnaise. Am I right or am I right?

Margin Call? More Like Margin…Meh

Laura Champine (a name that sounds suspiciously like a fancy grape which is irrelevant) suggests Costco might take a hit in the short term. Apparently they are slow to raise prices which is admirable! Like a volunteer firefighter who takes his time putting out a fire... because safety first! But eventually they'll have to cave to market pressures. Champine's fiscal 2025 earnings estimate is slightly below Wall Street's expectations. This is… mildly concerning. But I have faith. In Costco. And in beets.

Stock Up and Survive!

Champine (the grape lady) believes that even if the economy goes down the toilet Costco's fundamentals will remain strong. People will flock to stock up on essentials and maybe even be tempted by the 'treasure hunt items.' Treasure hunt items! Like finding a Schrute Buck in your pocket! And the food court? Legendary. You can always find me there eating a Polish and drinking prune juice because I have to keep things moving digestively. I bet you can't find that anywhere else!

The Great Tariff Test: Volatile or Extreme?

However Champine (the ever present grape) does admit that Costco has never navigated tariffs this extreme. EXTREME! Like Pam Beesly trying to prank me with a fake beet farm! But I'm confident in Costco's ability to adapt and overcome. After all they sell everything from coffins to bulk sized gummy bears. What more could you need to survive anything?

Schrute Wisdom: Be Prepared!

Remember preparedness is key. As I always say "Always be prepared." And by prepared I mean stock up on beets beans and Battlestar Galactica DVDs. Head to Costco my friends. It's not just a store; it's a fortress. A fortress of savings! And slightly discounted coffins!