FAA to Airlines: You Have Officially Lost Your Newark Privileges!

Beet Juice and Bureaucracy: The FAA Intervention

As Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) I Dwight K. Schrute understand the importance of order. Chaos in the skies? Unacceptable! The FAA bless their rule following hearts is having a 'Delay Reduction Meeting.' Sounds like something Michael would misinterpret. Anyway they're telling airlines to shape up at Newark. Seems like the flights are more delayed than Michael trying to understand a surplus.

Newark: A Disaster Zone Worse Than Mose's Beet Farm After a Hailstorm

Newark Airport apparently is a disaster. Equipment outages staffing issues the whole shebang. It’s like the Scranton branch after Michael declares 'Casual Friday' every day. The FAA says the airport can't handle the current load. Frankly I suspect sabatoge. Perhaps by a rogue group of volunteer Sheriff's Deputies from another jurisdiction.

Runway Rumble: Construction Carnage

Adding insult to injury there's runway construction. They're canceling dozens of flights daily delaying hundreds more. It's like trying to harvest beets during a blizzard. Impossible! The FAA wants to cut flights to an 'acceptable level.' Acceptable? There is no 'acceptable' when it comes to efficiency. Only optimal.

Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy: Our New Hero?

Secretary Sean Duffy is apparently the hero we need but not the hero we deserve. He is holding the first Delay Reduction Meeting in 20 years. "Families shouldn't be going to Newark and waiting five hours for a flight that then gets canceled," he proclaimed. Well said Mr. Duffy! Now if only he’d invest in some good beet farming equipment then we’d be talking.

The Telecom Terror: Outages Galore

Telecom outages? This is beyond the pale! We are talking about the airspace here this is serious business and it needs serious action. Fix the system Mr. Duffy!

United's Plea: More Limitations More Power!

United Airlines is whining about delays and wants the FAA to impose flight limitations. Typical corporate nonsense! They should be solving the problem not pushing it onto others. 'Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.' No. 'United. Solutions. Sky Supremacy.' That's what they should be focused on. And maybe a good assistant regional manager to oversee things. Just a thought.