Bears. Beets. Baskets! Michael Jordan Swishes Back to NBC!

False! It's Happening!

As Assistant Regional Manager (and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy) of Dunder Mifflin I Dwight K. Schrute am uniquely qualified to report on matters of utmost importance. Today's news is of such magnitude that it rivals the invention of beet based paper! Michael Jordan a name synonymous with excellence (second only to Schrute of course) is joining NBC's NBA coverage. This is not a drill! This is not a fire drill! This is real! And it's about time that someone with authority and knowledge weighs in on the significance of this monumental event.

Jordan's Jump Shot to Broadcasting

Jordan the man who understands the importance of a good offence and an even better defense (much like my security measures on Schrute Farms) is stepping back into the broadcasting arena. After retiring in 2003 he focused on other things like owning teams. Which is fine I guess. But now? Now he's BACK! He will be a 'special contributor'. No specifics yet but as a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I can tell you that 'special' usually means important or at least...unusual. It could be that he is there to do good or...he could be there to do bad! I hope that he is not part of the Volunteer Mafia like Michael was in the office.

Roundball Rock Returns! Threat Level Midnight?

NBC is bringing back the 90s glory complete with the iconic 'Roundball Rock'! The nostalgia is so thick you could spread it on a beet sandwich. It's like the good old days but with better technology and hopefully fewer wardrobe malfunctions than I experienced at the Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy picnic last summer. I think bringing back the good old days is a good decision and I hope that this can bring back my days as a volunteer sheriff's deputy maybe I can be a volunteer NBA deputy too!

More Talent Than a Dundie Award Ceremony

Joining Jordan are other esteemed individuals like Jamal Crawford Reggie Miller Carmelo Anthony Mike Tirico and Noah Eagle. It's a regular NBA All Star team on the airwaves! And in a move that borders on necromancy (which is frowned upon even by me) they're even using AI to resurrect the voice of the late Jim Fagan. I hope that they don't resurrect anyone at Dunder Mifflin unless it is to sell beet paper and then they will be welcomed back!

Beet Juice and Basketball: A Winning Combination

What does this mean for you the discerning viewer? It means quality! It means passion! It means...well I'm not entirely sure what Jordan's specific role will be but knowing NBC they'll probably have him endorse some product or another. Perhaps he'll finally see the light and endorse Schrute Farms beets. Now that's a sponsorship deal that makes sense! Hopefully there is not to much advertising and more sports because that is what the people want!

Dwight's Decree: Tune In!

So mark your calendars set your DVRs and prepare to witness the return of a legend. This NBA season on NBC will be more exciting than a beet eating contest at the Pennsylvania Beet Growers Association convention! And remember bears eat beets bears beat Battlestar Galactica. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go practice my own jump shot. One can never be too prepared for greatness. Especially greatness that involves beets. It will be televised.