I'm All In! Stocks Bounce Higher Than My Jump for Waffles!

Wake Up and Smell the Stocks!

Alright alright alright! Donkey here reporting live from… well wherever Shrek tells me to stand! Seems like those stocks were sleepin' in 'cause they're finally wakin' up and bouncin' higher than me tryin' to reach a waffle on a tall shelf! Interest rates are chillin' out and the Nasdaq that fancy pants tech market is leadin' the charge. It's like a party and everyone's invited… except maybe Lord Farquaad. He'd probably try to nationalize everything.

Amazon Gets a New Fan (and Investor!)

Hold on to your britches! Word on the street (or you know the financial news) is that some big shot named Bill Ackman is puttin' his money where his mouth is and buyin' up some Amazon stock. Amazon must be doing something right if people are buying their stocks or maybe he just likes their Prime delivery. I sure could use that for my waffle orders!

Honeywell's Been on a Shopping Spree Y'all!

Honeywell? More like Honey BUY well! These guys are on a roll snaggin' up Johnson Matthey's catalyst unit for a cool $2.4 billion. Apparently this catalyst thingy is a big deal for makin' stuff. Sounds like potion making to me! They're saying it'll boost Honeywell's earnings which is good 'cause nobody wants to be a broke conglomerate. Especially not when there's waffles to buy.

Splitsville for Honeywell!

Whoa there partner! Honeywell's not just buyin' stuff; they're also breakin' up! They're divvying themselves into three companies including one that's all about aerospace. It's like Shrek and Fiona decided to live in separate swamps… wait no bad analogy! But the point is sometimes splitting up can make everyone stronger just like when we all came together to defeat the dragon. It was beautiful I tell you!

Earnings Season: It's Like Christmas But with Numbers!

Intuit Deckers Outdoor Workday Ross Stores and Autodesk—sounds like a D&D party I once attended. They're all droppin' their earnings reports soon. It's like waiting for Santa but instead of presents we get to see if these companies made a big pile of gold… or a pile of dragon dung.

Home Sales Are Slower Than Me on a Monday Morning

Looks like people aren't buyin' houses as fast as before. Home sales are down reachin' a slow pace since 2009. Maybe everyone's realized that swamp living is the way to go! Cheaper rent and the privacy is something to cherish. Just gotta watch out for the ogres.