Hold On To Your Waffles! The Stock Market is Crazier Than Lord Farquaad's Haircut!

Trump's Wall Street? More Like a Swamp!

Alright alright settle down! Donkey's on the scene with the latest news from that Wall Street place. Apparently this Jim Cramer fella says Trump's runnin' the show and whether that's a good thing or a bad thing well that's anyone's guess! It's like tryin' to predict what's gonna come outta Puss in Boots' mouth next – ya just never know! One thing's for sure if things go south there's gonna be more drama than Fiona tryin' to decide whether to be an Ogre or a Princess!

Numbers? Oh My! They're Fallin' Like I Do For Dragon!

Now I ain't no mathmagician (that's more of a Fairy Godmother gig) but these numbers are lookin' uglier than Shrek's swamp after a mud fight. Dow Transports down Russell 2000 down Nasdaq thingy down… It's like a whole bunch of stuff just took a tumble off the beanstalk! And since that tariff thingy? Woof. Even worse! Seems like everyone's havin' a bad day but hey at least I still got my good looks right?

Airline Blues: Even Planes Need a Timeout!

So these airline companies are cryin' in their in flight peanuts. Southwest is pullin' flights Alaska Air is hidin' their guidance (whatever that means) and American Airlines… oh boy they're down more than my patience when Shrek's being grumpy. These CEO folks are gonna be chattin' it up on TV probably complainin' about turbulence or lack of legroom. Maybe they should try flyin' with Dragon – she's got plenty of space and a fiery attitude to keep things interesting!

Uber Good or Uber Bad? Even Donkey's Confused!

This Cramer fella he's at it again! This time he's lovin' Uber sayin' to hold onto it for years. Me? I'm just tryin' to figure out how to use it to get back to Shrek's swamp faster! But hey the numbers say it's up up UP! So maybe Cramer's onto somethin'. Still I'd rather have a ride on Dragon's back. Much more exciting.

Alphabet Soup? More Like Alphabet Droop!

Alphabet the company that sounds like you're learnin' your ABCs is reportin' some stuff. Their stock is lookin' kinda sad though. Down down down! Seems like even the smart folks are havin' a bit of a brain fart. Maybe they need to come hang out with me. I always know how to lighten the mood even if it's just by singin' my favorite tunes!

Get Yer Ticket! (Unless You're Allergic to Excitement!)

Hold on to your hooves folks! There's a big shindig at the New York Stock Exchange! It's called CNBC Pro LIVE and it's supposed to be all fancy and insightful. They got experts and clinics and a cocktail hour… Sounds like a party! But honestly I'd rather have a swamp party with Shrek Fiona and all our pals. Way more fun and definitely less stuffy! But hey if you're into that kinda thing grab a ticket! Just don't forget to bring your sense of humor – you'll need it!