Uber's Earnings: A Disturbance in the Force or Just a Minor Setback?

A Surprise to be Sure But a Welcome One...

The Emperor has foreseen many things but even I Darth Vader am occasionally surprised. Uber's first quarter results have arrived and they are... complicated. Earnings per share exceeded expectations a victory that echoes through the halls of the Death Star. 83 cents per share against an expected 50? Impressive. Most impressive. But there is a disturbance in the Force... revenue figures failed to meet the mark. $11.53 billion when $11.62 billion was anticipated? A minor setback perhaps but one that requires... a closer look. Shares plummeted a pathetic 5%. Such a lack of faith is disturbing.

The Dark Side of Growth: 14% is... Acceptable.

Growth is the lifeblood of any empire be it galactic or merely corporate. Uber's revenue expanded by 14% rising from $10.13 billion to $11.53 billion year over year. Adequate. Not the explosive growth I would demand from my own minions but acceptable. Their net income saw a dramatic shift transforming from a $654 million loss to a $1.78 billion profit. A victory for the Dark Side indeed. Perhaps they have learned the power of... focus.

EBITDA Gross Bookings and the Mind Games of Dara Khosrowshahi

Uber CEO Dara Khosrowshahi has projected gross bookings between $45.75 billion and $47.25 billion for the current quarter with EBITDA in the range of $2.02 billion to $2.12 billion. He believes the service is growing quickly. These are bold claims and as we all know I find your lack of faith disturbing. He continues to play the games I'll keep an eye on this one.

FTC Strikes Back: Deceptive Billing? I Find Your Lack of Transparency Disturbing.

The Federal Trade Commission has launched an assault accusing Uber of deceptive billing practices surrounding its Uber One subscription service. Khosrowshahi dismisses these claims as "a bit of a head scratcher," but I sense... weakness. He claims cancellation is simple but perhaps the Force is not strong with those who attempt to navigate Uber's digital labyrinth. Let them experience the full power of the Dark Side... of customer service.

Autonomous Vehicles: The Future is Now or a Long Time From Now in a Galaxy Far Far Away...

Uber continues its pursuit of autonomous vehicles a venture Khosrowshahi deems "the single greatest opportunity ahead for Uber." They are already offering robotaxi rides and autonomous deliveries in select markets. Their partnership with Waymo in Austin is reportedly exceeding expectations. They will soon learn that automated systems like droids can be useful but ultimately lack... the human touch. Or in my case the Sith touch. But this could be a powerful weapon in the arsenal of the Empire.

The Empire Strikes Back... to the Office!

As the Emperor has commanded more people back into the office Uber has followed suit. The company has increased its in office mandate to three days a week and the paid sabbatical benefit has been extended to eight years. Dara Khosrowshahi defended the policy at an all hands meeting saying "that means people working together in the office". I see no issue with the new policy as the empire is ever expanding more work will always be necessary.