The Emperor's New Clothes: Trump's Market Swings and the Rebellion of Stocks

A Disturbance in the Force: The Market's Malaise

The Force is weak with this market. Since the return of President Trump the S&P 500 is groaning under the weight of uncertainty. Tariffs government spending cuts... these are not the policies you're looking for! But the midi chlorians in the financial world are definitely agitated. It seems these Earthlings are more sensitive than I initially assessed.

The Dark Side Plunges: Deckers and Tesla's Descent

Deckers Outdoor maker of those abominable Uggs has taken a nosedive of 48%. It appears investors fear the Emperor's tariffs will cripple their profits. Foolish mortals! And Tesla... ah Tesla. Elon Musk's allegiance to Trump is causing quite the stir. It appears my new apprentice has made enemies. Baird analyst Ben Kallo suggests that people who want to avoid getting their cars keyed or set on fire may think twice about buying a Tesla! Pathetic! These rebels and their acts of vengeance... The Force is not strong with this one.

Airlines Grounded: Recession Looms?

Delta and United have also suffered their stocks plummeting more than 36%. The mere whispers of a recession the fear of government spending cuts. The people of Earth are easily frightened. I should know... I have mastered fear. Will they never learn that fear leads to anger anger leads to hate hate leads to suffering?

Hope...? Wall Street's Illusions

Despite the carnage Wall Street analysts still cling to hope. A 30% recovery they say. Such optimism... it's almost... cute. But as I've said before 'Hope is not strategy'. In time they will learn to appreciate the power of the Dark Side!.

The Light Side Rises: Palantir and Netflix Defy Gravity

But there is good! Palantir a defense tech firm has seen its stock rise by over 57%. Executives actually see benefit to Musk and Trump's government efficiency work known by the acronym DOGE. They claim to believe DOGE is "bringing meritocracy and transparency to government". What a load of bantha poodoo! And Netflix the streamer unaffected by tariffs has also thrived. Hmm I'll have to add that to the list of HoloNet services for the Death Star.

The Old Guard Stands Strong: Tobacco and Telecoms

Philip Morris and AT&T have also held firm. Safe plays. Comfortable. Uninspired. They lack vision. Such is the way of the old guard. I am surrounded by fools. I sense a great disturbance in the Force... as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Time to find out who has let their fear become a problem for me! The circle is now complete.