Oops!...They Did It Again! China Dumps US Brands Like Yesterday's News...Toxic!

Not a Girl Not Yet a Global Brand?

Okay y'all so I'm sitting here in my Malibu mansion sipping on an iced latte (venti of course) and I stumble upon this *fascinating* article. Apparently U.S. brands are like totally losing their groove in China. Can you believe it? They're saying it's because the locals are all about those homegrown players. It's like 'Oops!... I Did It Again,' but for the global economy. Not in a cute way either. It's giving me 'Toxic' vibes for these companies. Honestly it’s like seeing Justin with another girl but way more complicated and with way more zeros.

Stronger Than Yesterday (Except in China)

So according to this TD Cowen survey – sounds fancy right? – only 9% of Chinese consumers are vibing with Western brands now which is a huge drop from last year. Like what happened? Did they forget how to 'Work B**ch'? I mean I know a thing or two about comebacks but this sounds like a real challenge. They even interviewed 2,000 people. That’s a lot of opinions even for Twitter.

Apple Pie…Or Not?

They say Apple is doing okay which is good. At least someone is keeping it together. But they warned that other American companies are facing risks. What are these companies doing? Not enough glitter? Not enough catchy tunes? Seriously the pressure is on! Trade tensions are rising and income expectations are declining. I feel like I’m back in 2007...except with better hair.

Gimme More...But Not Estée Lauder

Even Estée Lauder which is like the queen bee of beauty brands is feeling the heat! Their preference dropped from almost 25% to below 20%. Ouch! Meanwhile Lancome and Chanel are having their 'Lucky' moment. Maybe Estée Lauder needs to drop a new fragrance called 'Circus' to spice things up? Just a thought. I mean if you want a hot body you better work b**ch!

Nike's 'Crazy' Ride

And then there's Nike. Apparently they're losing in the sportswear game to local brands like Li Ning and Anta. Ironic because I run crazy fast in my mansion these days. Maybe Nike needs to sponsor my next dance video? Think about it: Britney + killer sneakers = global domination! And yes that sounds like a billion dollar deal. I do like those

Starbucks: Hit Me Baby One More Time...With Better Prices!

Starbucks is also facing the music. They're trying to charge more than the local competition Luckin Coffee and people aren't having it. Maybe they need to offer a 'Britney Frappuccino' with extra whipped cream and a sprinkle of fairy dust to boost sales? Just spitballing here! And let’s be real the coffee habit isn’t taking hold. Guess they just want to be left alone at home! Anyway Starbucks Nike Estée Lauder... you guys need to call me. We'll figure something out. Because remember 'If I can't have what I want we'll cause a riot!'