No Biggie: US Bombs Iran, Market Yawns. Is This Real Life?

Kaboom? More Like...Meh

Alright people Agent J here. So the US decided to throw a little party in Iran bombing some 'nuclear sites' over the weekend. Sounds like a scene straight outta Men in Black right? Except instead of tentacled aliens we got…the stock market barely flinching. I’m talking about a shrug so subtle even Frank the Pug would've noticed it. The major averages were practically doing the limbo oil prices dipped and the whole thing was less dramatic than a cat video going viral.

Art Cashin Knew It All Along

Tom Lee from Fundstrat that's the guy that's been looking into this. He's quoting some old Wall Street guru named Art Cashin. Apparently Cashin's got this saying: 'Sell the buildup buy the invasion.' Which in English means everyone was already expecting something to go down so they already panicked. Now that it *did* go down everyone's like 'Eh seen worse.' These Earth folks are weird I tell ya.

VIX is Up But Spirits Are...Up?

The VIX that's like the market's mood ring. It measures fear and it did tick up a bit. But nothing crazy. We're talking levels not seen in a whole month. A whole month! I've had longer shifts dealing with cranky aliens at headquarters. But the fact that it didn’t go supernova? That's something. Almost like the market's got a neuralyzer of its own forgetting all the bad stuff.

Black Swans and Oil Slicks

Lee also made a good point. He said beginning of the year bombing an Iranian nuke site? Massive 'Black Swan' event. Oil at $120 stocks tanking. But now? Oil's chillin' market's like 'whatever.' It's like when I thought my tie was gonna get me eaten by that giant worm in 1997 but it just ended up being a cool accessory. Times change people. Earth especially.

Stress Test: Passed!

So according to the experts the market just went through a stress test and aced it. Meaning stocks are supposed to do even better for the rest of the year. Which is great! Unless of course the real aliens decide to show up. Then all bets are off. But hey at least we got our priorities straight. Profit before planetary protection baby!

Remember Stay Vigilant!

Just remember folks keep your eyes peeled. Whether it's rogue aliens or rogue market fluctuations you never know what's coming. And if you see anything weird call the MIB. We're always hiring... or at least we're always accepting applications for those who don't mind a little mind wiping now and then.