Holy Hellfire! Televangelist Jimmy Swaggart Takes the Last Elevator Upstairs

Another One Bites the Dust...Literally

Alright people Agent J here reporting live from planet Earth. Looks like we just lost another one to the big sleep. Jimmy Swaggart the dude who made crying on TV a national pastime has cashed in his chips at the ripe old age of 90. Word on the street—or you know the internet—is he wasn't feeling too hot lately. But hey at least he made it further than most of those aliens we zap on a Tuesday.

From Gospel to Scandal: A Holy Mess

Now Swaggart was a big deal back in the day. Huge following millions of viewers the whole shebang. But then BAM! Caught with a lady of the night in New Orleans. Turns out preaching fire and brimstone doesn't stop you from playing with matches. Reminds me of that time Zed told me 'A person is smart. People are dumb panicky dangerous animals.' Seems about right in this case.

Tears Apologies and a Whole Lotta Denial

The dude's apology was legendary. Weeping begging for forgiveness but conveniently leaving out the whole 'prostitute' part. Classic! Then he bailed on his church faster than I bail on a bad stakeout. Said he had to save his ministry which I guess meant saving his gravy train. I've seen less shady stuff in the back alleys of Canarsie.

Rock 'n' Roll Roots: A Family Affair

Turns out Swaggart came from a musical family. Jerry Lee Lewis was his cousin! Talk about a family reunion. Imagine those holiday dinners: gospel hymns mixed with 'Great Balls of Fire.' Explains a lot actually. Maybe he was just trying to live up to the family reputation for shall we say 'spirited' behavior. He even claimed God spoke to him at 8 years old. Right. And I'm dating Beyoncé.

Controversy is My Middle Name: A Preacher's Greatest Hits

Swaggart wasn't just about gospel and tears. Oh no. He had opinions and he wasn't afraid to shout them from the rooftops—or you know the TV screen. He called Catholicism a 'false religion' and said Jews suffered because they rejected Christ. Real nice guy. 'If you don't like what I say talk to my boss,' he'd yell. Well looks like someone finally took him up on that offer.

Fading Away: Still kicking but not as high

After the scandal things weren't quite the same. Smaller audiences less cash. But he kept preaching kept singing kept raking in the dough. Even managed to make headlines again in 2004 by threatening to off a gay dude who gave him the eye. Smooth. He chilled out for a while. But hey at least he got to sing at Jerry Lee Lewis's funeral. So rest in peace Swaggart. Or don't. I've seen weirder resurrections. And to everyone else remember what K says: 'Always know the exits.'