Good News Everyone! Professor Farnsworth Predicts Global Stock Boom (and the Dollar's Doom!)

Wernstrom! A Shift in the Tides?

Good news everyone! It seems the winds of fortune are changing. That fellow Jeffrey Gundlach – not quite as brilliant as yours truly but a sharp cookie nonetheless – is predicting that international stocks will soon be dancing a jig all over the poor pitiful U.S. equities. And why you ask? Because according to him the dollar is about to take a nosedive! A secular downtrend he calls it. Sounds rather…permanent. Like my chances of ever understanding women. Or Zoidberg!

Sweet Zombie Jesus! A Double Barreled Wind?

He claims that if you dollar based investors out there take a gamble on foreign stocks you might just get a "double barreled wind" at your back. That's right a double dose of financial…*gust*. First the dollar weakens against foreign currencies (boo yah!). Second international equities outperform (ka ching!). It's like winning the lottery twice only instead of money you get…more money! To shreds you say? Well not quite…yet.

Blernsball Economics: Trump's Trade Tantrums!

Now what's causing all this financial tomfoolery? Apparently President Trump's aggressive trade policies have soured everyone's opinion of U.S. assets. It's like he's trying to win a Blernsball game by throwing the ball directly into his own face. The ICE U.S. Dollar Index is down about 8% this year. Pathetic! I haven't seen a currency fall this hard since… well since I invented Smell O Scope. Still have nightmares about that.

Investments! To Infinity...and Beyond Your Backyard!

Gundlach suggests taking a gander at emerging markets. He's particularly fond of India for the long haul. But he also throws in a word for Southeast Asian countries and even Mexico and Latin America. It’s like a global buffet of investment opportunities! Just try not to get any space herpes while you're at it.

Geopolitics! Why Not Zoidberg (Investments)?

He further speculates that foreigners might be hesitant to throw more money at the U.S. due to all the geopolitical hullabaloo. And if those foreigners start selling off their U.S. investments that would be good news for international markets. In short invest outside the USA! I always say "When in doubt diversify!" Or was that "When in doubt invent a doomsday device?" Eh same difference.

Recession Indicators! I'm Already Feeling Old!

Gundlach also believes that U.S. is heading for a recession. He says a number of recession indicators are starting to "blink red.” Wonderful! Just what I needed – more things to worry about before I shuffle off this mortal coil. As for the Federal Reserve he thinks they'll hold steady on interest rates at their next meeting even though inflation is quite low at the moment. He thinks inflation is likely to end 2025 around 3% though he admits predicting anything with Trump's tariff policy is like predicting the weather on Planet Express. Impossible!