Stark Reality: Tariffs, Layoffs, and Robotaxis, Oh My!

Booz Allen Gets the Boot: A Stark Contrast

Okay folks let's kick things off with Booz Allen Hamilton. Apparently they're downsizing. 2,500 jobs gone. Ouch. Seven percent of their workforce gone! They're blaming it on slower government spending. I'm no economist (though I play one in the papers) but that sounds like a Stark Industries sized problem. Maybe they should've consulted me on innovative tech solutions instead of you know whatever it is they do. I trust my own tech far more than some 'consultant'. 'Genius billionaire playboy philanthropist' remember?

Intuit's Intuitive Rise: They're Making Money Moves

Now let's talk about something more cheerful: Intuit the TurboTax and QuickBooks people are doing great! Up 7.5% after some killer quarterly results. Revenue up 15% to $7.8 billion. See THAT's how you run a business! No layoffs just profit. Maybe Booz Allen should take some notes. Or you know hire Pepper. She'd whip them into shape. Efficient. Deadly. Like a well oiled Mark whatever we're on now armor.

Apple's Tariff Tango: A Bite Out of the Big Apple?

Apple is sliding because Orange Man is threatening tariffs on iPhones made outside the US. Classic. They are shifting production to India though. Good move Tim. Diversify! Don't put all your palladium exoskeletons in one basket that's what I always say. Though frankly tariffs or not those new iPhones still cost more than my arc reactor prototype. Priorities people!

Nuclear Renaissance: Trump's Atomic Boost

Nuclear energy stocks are getting a jolt. Apparently Trump's about to sign some orders to boost nuclear power. Oklo and NuScale popping like champagne corks at a Stark party! Look I'm all for clean energy even if it's not my arc reactor. (Still the best by the way). Though if anyone needs a REAL energy solution just give me a call. I have some ideas... that may or may not involve harnessing the power of a miniature sun.

Retail Woes: Ross Stores and Deckers Feeling the Pinch

Ross Stores is down because of tariff uncertainty. Uncertainty? In THIS economy? Deckers the Ugg boot folks are also feeling the macroeconomic squeeze. I swear if I have to save the world AND figure out global trade policies I'm going to need a bigger drink. Seriously Pepper where's my scotch?

Tesla's Autonomous Ambitions: Robotaxi Revolution

And finally Tesla! Up slightly because some analyst thinks their robotaxi launch is going to be the "golden age of autonomous." Well color me cautiously optimistic. I practically invented autonomous everything and even I know it's tricky. But hey if anyone can pull it off it's Elon. Though if those robotaxis start causing trouble I'm blaming JARVIS. JARVIS! Did you hear that? *Don't* let the robotaxis cause trouble! I have enough chaos in my life thank you very much. 'Sometimes I miss the simple days.'