Muggle Market Magic! Will Your Portfolio Vanish Faster Than Gilderoy Lockhart's Memory?!

Levi O SA! Denim Soars!

Honestly sometimes I think these muggle markets are more unpredictable than a Niffler in a jewelry shop! Levi Strauss of all companies saw their shares jump 11%! They're practically shouting 'Accio profits!' after reiterating their full year outlook. Apparently they're pretending like those nasty White House tariffs are just a blibbering flobberworm and won't affect them. Earnings are up too! I suppose even Muggles need good jeans. Though if you ask me a good pair of dragon hide trousers would be far more durable.

Healthcare Potions Brew a Bullish Surge

The healthcare sector had a rather...vigorous reaction today. Word on the street (or rather in The Wall Street Journal) is that Medicare insurers are getting a hefty payment increase courtesy of… well never mind who. The result? Humana CVS Health and UnitedHealth are all doing the Hippogriff hop climbing 15% 9% and 8% respectively. I’m starting to suspect some Felix Felicis might be involved. Because honestly this is as clear as mud...or maybe treacle tart?

Lockheed Martin: Trading Galleons for Gadgets

In other news Lockheed Martin purveyors of things that go boom (though I strongly disapprove naturally) are up 2%. Vietnam is apparently planning on buying a whole heap of their wares. It's all an attempt to narrow the trade gap they say. Apparently Muggles solve their problems with even *more* things that go boom. Honestly you'd think they'd learn from history—or at least read a good book!

Chips and Shares: A Broadcom Bonanza!

Broadcom is feeling rather flush it seems. They're buying back $10 billion worth of their own shares. That’s enough to buy a *lot* of Chocolate Frogs! Their CEO is practically beaming with 'confidence'. Still I think I'd rather invest in a good self stirring cauldron. More practical don't you think?

Janover's Crypto Calamity: From Boom to Bust Faster Than a Fizzing Whizbee!

Oh dear Merlin. This one's a doozy. Remember Janover? The company that skyrocketed over 800% after announcing their love affair with… *Solana*? Well they've now plummeted faster than a Quaffle dropped by Neville Longbottom with shares down 17%! It seems the cryptocurrency charm wore off rather quickly. Honestly sometimes I wonder if these Muggles even bother reading 'Hogwarts: A History'. Diversify people diversify! Or at least read *Basic Economics for the Bewildered*.

Odds and Ends: Upgrades and Downgrades Abound!

The remaining news is less… dramatic. Marvell is selling off its auto ethernet business for a pile of galleons Johnson & Johnson got a thumbs up from Goldman Sachs and Charles Schwab is feeling the love from Morgan Stanley. Ross Stores and Ralph Lauren are apparently the belle of the apparel ball. And to end on a slightly sour note Greenbrier who make those train car things are expecting less money this year. And Eli Lilly… well they got an upgrade too. Honestly all a bit of a muddle isn't it? I think I need a calming draught…and perhaps a strongly worded letter to the *Daily Prophet* about responsible financial reporting.