Bunq Banking on America! Will it Blow Up in Their Face?

Pow Pow America! Here Comes Bunq!

Okay you guys! Jinx here reporting LIVE from… well wherever I feel like being! Turns out some boring bank called Bunq is trying to invade America. They're all like 'We're gonna get a broker dealer registration!' Sounds like a party right? I'm picturing explosions of paperwork! This Ali Niknam dude the head honcho says it's the first step to a full banking license. Blah blah blah! More like a first step to being totally JINXED!

Digital Nomads? More Like Digital Normies!

Apparently Bunq is all about those 'digital nomads'. You know the guys who work from beaches while sipping weird looking drinks. Sounds boring. Where are the explosions? Where's the mayhem? Niknam says they'll offer all their services in the U.S. except for savings accounts. Who saves money anyway? That's just asking for trouble! I'd rather spend it all on rockets!

Brexit Blues and Bank Charter Blues

So Bunq used to be in Britain but then they got kicked out because of something called 'Brexit'. Sounds like a bad rash. Then they tried to get a bank thingy in the U.S. last year but they gave up 'cause of some fight between boring grown ups. But don't worry they're planning to try again! Good luck with that! You'll need it! Especially if I'm around!

Profit Party? More Like Profit Panic!

Okay so they're bragging about making tons of money – like 85.3 million euros! They say it's because people are using their bank more and they are super 'lean'. Whatever that means! They're also making bank on interest rates which is apparently a big deal. But interest rates are going DOWN! Uh oh! Maybe they should invest in some rocket launchers instead. That's always a good investment!

Trading Stocks? Sounds Like Target Practice!

Bunq is letting people trade stocks now. Stocks! It's like a game except with money! I'd rather play with my Zap gun but hey to each their own. Niknam says they're doing this because they had 'negative interest rates' before. Sounds like some kind of sci fi nightmare! At least they're not paying people to deposit money anymore. That's just crazy!

America's Already Explosive Enough!

Here's the thing America already has a TON of big banks like JPMorgan Chase and Bank of America. And then there are those 'fintech' dudes like Chime and Robinhood. So Bunq is gonna have to be REALLY good if they want to make it. Or you know they could just blow everything up! That's always an option! Heh heh heh! Remember kids rules are meant to be broken! Like buildings!