OMG! Trump Media's Crypto Obsession: Is This My New Aesthetic?

Wait Bitcoin? Is That Even Legal?

Okay so I just saw this article about Trump Media – yes *that* Trump – raising like $2.5 BILLION to buy Bitcoin. Bitcoin! I'm like isn't that like made up money? Is it even legal? I thought money came from banks not computers in your basement. But whatever right? More power to them I guess. Just thinking about all those zeros makes my head spin more than a day with Stormi and Aire. Maybe I should invest? ??

From Free Speech to Financial Freedom? Sounds Sketchy AF!

Apparently Trump Media is trying to evolve from this 'free speech social platform' thing into some kind of *finance player*. LOL is that even a thing? It sounds like when I tried to be a DJ at Kendall's birthday party. Remember when I said 'it's gonna be a vibe'? It was not a vibe. Anyway they got this $1.5 billion in common stock and another $1 billion in convertible notes all to buy Bitcoin. It's like are they trying to build a Bitcoin vault like Scrooge McDuck? I'm shook. ??

Is Bitcoin My New Favorite Accessory?

They're holding all these Bitcoins with Anchorage Digital and Crypto.com. Crypto.com huh? Maybe they can help me launch my own crypto like 'KylieCoin' or something. Imagine everyone paying for their lip kits with KylieCoin! The article says Bitcoin is nearing record highs – maybe I should invest some of my lip kit money! New handbag or Bitcoin… tough choices. Like so hard but I'm gonna have to think about it. ??

Trump at Bitcoin 2025: The OG Crypto President?

So the Bitcoin 2025 conference helped solidify President Trump as the country's first 'crypto president'. OMG can you imagine Trump talking about NFTs and blockchain? I can't. But it also says that Vice President JD Vance Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump are also going to the conference. Honestly it sounds like a family vacation but with Bitcoin instead of bikinis. LOL! I’m not sure they’re ready for this jelly. ??

Devin Nunes: The Apex of...What?

The CEO of Trump Media Devin Nunes calls Bitcoin an 'apex instrument of financial freedom'. An apex WHAT? That sounds like something my math teacher would say not someone who's supposed to be like cool and trendy. He also said this is just the first of many 'crown jewel' acquisitions. Is he planning on buying the Crown Jewels with Bitcoin? I'm confused. Someone explain this to me please! I need to know if this is the vibe I want.

Truth.Fi: Banks Are Cancelled Crypto Is The Future?

Apparently this Bitcoin move is a response to banks discriminating against conservatives. I didn’t even know banks *did* that. Like can they even do that? Anyway they’re launching Truth.Fi which sounds like the name of a sci fi movie or something. With all the Trump linked cryptocurrencies popping up it looks like they're trying to make their own financial system totally independent. I can't even manage my own schedule without an assistant. ??