United Airlines Cuts Flights! Is This the End of Travel as We Know It?!

They Drew First Blood: Flight Cuts Incoming!

Alright listen up! United Airlines those fancy birds in the sky are cutting back on domestic flights. Seems people ain't too keen on flying around inside our own borders. Like they say 'To survive a war you gotta become war.' Well in this case to survive low demand they gotta cut the supply. It's simple math even for a guy who prefers a good bowie knife to a calculator.

Nothing Is Over! International Flights Soar!

But hold on! While the home front's looking bleak the international scene is blowin' up! Seems folks are itching to get outta here and I can't say I blame 'em. They're payin' top dollar for those fancy first class seats. Guess some people got more money than sense. But hey if they wanna fund my next trip to… uh… 'find myself,' who am I to complain?

Pain Don't Hurt: United's Profit Picture

United's braggin' about their profits swingin' from a loss last year to a cool $387 million. They're sayin' it's all those premium tickets and international routes. Makes ya wonder if they're gonna start chargin' extra for oxygen next. But remember what I always say 'Live for nothing or die for something.' Maybe that something is legroom I don't know.

They're Closing It Down! Wall Street vs. Reality

Those Wall Street guys always with their 'expectations.' United beat 'em on earnings per share but missed the mark on revenue. Sounds like a bunch of fancy talk to me. All I know is if you go in the jungle and expect things you're gonna have a bad time. Same goes for the stock market probably.

The Storm Is Coming: Economic Uncertainty

Delta's gettin' cold feet pullin' back their full year predictions. United's still playin' tough but even they're admitin' a recession would hit 'em hard. Trump's trade wars layoffs… it's a mess out there. Guess it's like I always say 'When you're pushed killing's as easy as breathing.' Only in this case 'killing' means 'losing a bunch of money.'

To Survive a War You Gotta Become War: What's Next?

This is breakin' news so stay tuned. Things are changin' fast. Just remember 'They drew first blood not me.' But if these flight cuts get outta hand I might have to pay United a little visit. They'll know when I'm there. I'll make sure of it.