Intuit's Score: Better Than My Aim With a Plasma Pistol!

Earnings Exceed Expectations? Wake Me When We're Facing the Flood!

Alright Spartans listen up. Intuit the company behind TurboTax and QuickBooks just dropped some numbers that are... well let's just say they're better than my kill death ratio on Legendary. They reported earnings per share of $11.65 adjusted while those financial Prophets were only expecting $10.91. Guess they need a new Cortana to crunch the numbers correctly huh?

Revenue Soaring Like a Banshee on Steroids

And it doesn't stop there! Revenue hit a whopping $7.8 billion surpassing the predicted $7.56 billion. That's a 15% jump from last year. Makes you wonder if they found a Forerunner cache full of cash. Maybe I should look into switching my UNSC payroll to QuickBooks. Just kidding UNSC pays in loyalty and occasional plasma burns. "I need a weapon?" More like "I need a better accountant!"

Guidance Stronger Than My Armor After a Scarab Fight

But wait there's more! Intuit's forecasting full year revenue between $18.72 billion and $18.76 billion. That's like upgrading from a standard Assault Rifle to a Beam Rifle. Analysts were only predicting $18.35 billion. Someone owes me a fuel rod cannon for underestimating this company!

Filing Taxes: Still Easier Than Defeating the Covenant?

Of course this all comes just after the tax deadline. So congratulations to everyone who filed on time. You’ve done what the Covenant couldn't: filed by the due date. Remember a penny saved is a penny you can use to buy more ammo. Priorities people!

The CEO Speaks: Do We Need to Listen?

Apparently Intuit is hosting a quarterly call with investors. I bet they'll be talking about maximizing shareholder value and synergistic growth opportunities. Translation: more profit. All I hear is blah blah blah where’s the fight? Just kidding I’m sure it's very important and informative. Especially if you care about corporate finance which admittedly I don't. Unless it involves requisitioning more grenades.

Conclusion: They're Winning and That's Good Enough for Me

So there you have it. Intuit is crushing it. Good for them. Now if you'll excuse me I have a Covenant cruiser to vaporize. Remember Spartans Stay frosty and keep your taxes in line... or something. I'm a soldier not an accountant.