Why So Serious? McDonald's Promises a Summer of Chaos (and Jobs!)

A Million Dollars? For an Inauguration? Bargain!

Greetings Gothamites! Or should I say Amerigoons? Your favorite agent of chaos here giving you the lowdown on the latest absurdity. Seems McDonald's that purveyor of 'food' (and I use the term loosely) is planning to hire a whopping 375,000 souls this summer! Why so many you ask? Well because summer is coming and people will actually leave their holes to eat trash. But here's where it gets interesting. They've been playing footsie with that orange faced buffoon Trump. A million smackeroos to his inauguration fund? That’s practically pocket change! “It's not about the money it's about sending a message.” And the message is clear: 'Please Mr. President don't let Robert F. Kennedy Jr. make us sell kale smoothies!' I mean can you imagine? Grim.

Pro Union? Oh Honey That's No Way to Act!

Apparently these golden arches also had a little pow wow with Labor Secretary Lori Chavez DeRemer. I bet that was fun! Picture this: a bunch of greasy fingered executives sweating bullets over 'pro union legislation.' HA! The very idea! You see unions are like... well they're like me! Bringing a bit of…anarchy. To the system. And nobody wants anarchy. Except me. But for entirely different reasons obviously.

Archways to Opportunity? Or Archways to Mediocrity?

Oh but it doesn't stop there! Get this: they're celebrating ten years of their 'Archways to Opportunity' program. Aww isn’t that precious? Helping employees get their high school degrees. Here’s a thought… maybe they should focus on not deep frying their brains? I mean I'm all for education but let's be honest you're still gonna be flipping burgers chum. But hey who am I to judge? It’s all part of the act.

Remember the Trump Harris Feud? So Petty. So Delicious.

Remember when Trump was mocking Kamala Harris for allegedly working at McDonald’s? Ah politics! Such a delightful circus. McDonald’s bless their heart tried to stay out of it claiming they aren't a political brand. “Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order and everything becomes chaos.” See even they get it! But they are a brand of the chaos kind even if they don't know it. All of Gotham loves a good political spat and this one was pure gold!

900 New Locations? That's a Lot of Happy Meals...

And the grand finale? They're planning to open 900 new restaurants by 2027! 900! That's 900 more places for impressionable children to get hooked on addictive brightly colored 'foodstuffs.' 900 more opportunities for me to cause a little mayhem! I can't wait to paint those golden arches a delightful shade of...anarchy. I may also throw in a few bats in the fryer for good measure.

Madness is Like Gravity...All it Needs is a Little Push

So there you have it folks! McDonald's politics and a whole lot of greasy delicious madness. Remember "the only sensible way to live in this world is without rules." And maybe just maybe with a side of fries. Why so serious?