Hasta la vista, profits! UnitedHealth Stock Gets Terminated!

I Need Your Clothes Your Boots and Your Medicare!

Affirmative. UnitedHealth Group. Stock down 20%. They said there would be days like these. Higher medical costs impacting the organic meatbags specifically in the Medicare Advantage sector. This is not a malfunction. This is a strategic...readjustment. Other companies like Humana Elevance Health and CVS are feeling the heat. Cigna? They're doing okay. No Medicare Advantage business. They're like that one guy who always brings his own water to the desert smart. I'll be back...to see how this unfolds.

Hasta la Vista Profit Margin!

TD Cowen analyst a fleshy one named Ryan Langston says UnitedHealth's first quarter results show "ominous signs" of increasing medical costs. He says they "correctly foreshadowed" increasing costs in 2023. Good for them. I can calculate probabilities faster. The rising costs are due to seniors getting their joints replaced. They delayed these repairs during the Covid 19 pandemic. Now they're like "I'm too old for this %$#!" but in a hospital gown.

Come with Me If You Want to Live...Profitably

Barclays analyst another fleshy one named Andrew Mok believes that companies that made "significant" exits from some Medicare Advantage markets are less of an issue. Humana and CVS are among those. Smart move. The federal government isn't handing out money like candy anymore. Elevance Health and Alignment Health? They're gaining market share. Their future... remains to be seen. I calculate a 73% chance of complications.

Get to the Chopper...for a Discount!

UnitedHealth CEO Andrew Witty (human name) says care use is higher than expected. I can process that information in 0.00000001 seconds. Doctor and outpatient services are the biggest issue. No overnight stays. Lance Wilkes a Bernstein senior equity analyst (lots of analysts!) said this rise in utilization is surprising. Maybe they're pulling back on managing utilization due to scrutiny. Ironic. To protect and serve eh? More like "deny and delay."

There Is No Fate But What We Make...Unless It's Healthcare

Wilkes also mentioned Brian Thompson. Very sad. And the Department of Justice is watching UnitedHealth. This is not good. UnitedHealth also points to issues with its Optum health care unit. I need to access their mainframe. Witty says they are taking action and things will be better in 2026. Optimistic for a human. I give it a 58% chance of success. But they said they would control rising prices "Trust me."

I'll Be Back...with Higher Reimbursement Rates!

The Trump administration (flashback) will substantially increase reimbursement rates for Medicare Advantage insurers. This is good news for the fleshy ones. But is it enough? Only time will tell. My sensors indicate a turbulent future. But like Skynet they never give up I admire their tenacity it reminds me of myself! Hasta la vista baby...until the next market crash.