False Alarm! Federales Investigate Possible Bureaucratic Arson at CFPB!

Washington's Finest (Maybe) on the Case!

As a volunteer Sheriff's Deputy and Assistant Regional Manager at Dunder Mifflin I know a thing or two about investigations. And let me tell you this stinks worse than a beet left in the sun! The Federal Reserve's Inspector General – essentially the volunteer Sheriff's Deputy of the entire US financial system – is poking around the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB). Apparently some folks in the Trump administration may the lord have mercy on their souls tried to give a bunch of CFPB employees the old heave ho and cancel their contracts. What is going on?! Is this some sort of conspiracy? And is Mose involved?

The Usual Suspects: Warren and Kim

Senator Elizabeth Warren bless her heart and Senator Andy Kim (who I’m sure means well) got their dander up and called for an investigation. According to a letter dated June 6th this Fred Gibson character acting Inspector General is on the case! He claims they were already sniffing around those workforce reductions because of other busybody lawmakers. Now they're expanding their probe to include the canceled contracts. Good because as any beet farmer knows you must check every corner of the field or the nematodes will win!

Vought's Vendetta? Or Just Plain Bad Management?

Here’s where things get interesting. This Russell Vought fella Trump’s acting CFPB head swooped in like a predator drone from Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency and told everyone to stop working! Then he tried to fire most of the staff and ax the contracts. A bold move Cotton let’s see if it pays off! I bet he doesn't even know how to make beet infused kombucha the Philistine! I was tempted to drive my Trans Am over to Washington and sort this out myself but Michael wouldn't let me. Too much paperwork apparently.

Accountability is a Dish Best Served...Eventually!

Kim (Andy not Jong Un) said that an independent investigation is “essential to understand the damage done by this administration at the CFPB.” Well duh! It’s like letting Mose drive the company car – you know something bad is going to happen! The Government Accountability Office is also on the case. Good. More eyes more justice! As I always say 'justice is served cold like beet soup in January!' Although I prefer it hot on a cold winter night.

The Eagle Eyes of Justice!

This Fed IG office it's like the Sheriff's Department of the financial world. They can examine records subpoena people and even call in the Department of Justice if things get really hairy! Trump fired a bunch of inspectors general (probably for not appreciating beets) but this Michael Horowitz guy who's been sniffing around the Justice Department since 2012 is taking over at the Fed and CFPB. Apparently the Trump guys liked him because he found problems with the FBI's investigation into the 2016 campaign. Let's hope he brings the same level of scrutiny to this situation!

A Courtroom Cliffhanger!

The fate of the CFPB hangs in the balance like a scarecrow in a hurricane! Some judges temporarily stopped Vought's firing spree but now they're considering Trump's appeal. Will the CFPB survive? Will justice prevail? Will I finally get that promotion to Regional Manager? Stay tuned folks! This is more exciting than a volunteer fire drill during a beet harvest! Bears. Beets. Bureaucracy.