Trump's Car Tariffs! Is This a Joke... Or Are We All Just Clowns?

Why So Serious? It's Just a Little Tariff...

Alright alright settle down you beautiful bunch of losers! Word on the street – and by street I mean the internet where all the REAL crazy happens – is that orange faced fella in America yeah THAT one has decided to slap some tariffs on cars. Not just any cars mind you but the ones that aren't 'Made in the U.S.A.' Ba dum tss! Asian automakers are apparently doing a little jig and by jig I mean a nosedive. Toyota Honda Nissan… they're all feeling the pinch. Mitsubishi? Oh they're really feeling it. Down almost 5%! Don't they know you can't rely on anyone these days? You gotta do everything yourself. Like I don't know blow up a hospital. Anyway seems like everyone's losing their minds over a few percentages. What's the big deal? You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain... or get taxed to death by a president with a penchant for the dramatic.

Mexico Mexico Does Whatever a Country Can!

Now get this: Nissan with its three little plants south of the border is getting a wedgie. Kia too! Seems like Mexico is the place to be if you wanna build cars but not the place to be if you wanna sell 'em to Uncle Sam. They should be happy the US are giving them a chance to do business themselves! Isn't that what people keep saying? But I'm not buying it it's just a part of a bigger plan a bigger joke that we are all a part of... Or are we?

Chinese Takeout Hold the Car Parts!

And wouldn't you know it even the Chinese are getting a taste of this chaos. Nio and Xpeng names that sound like they belong in a bad sci fi movie are also taking a tumble. Apparently even if you build your cars in America if your parts come from China you're still gonna feel the burn. It's like trying to make a cake with rotten eggs – it might look good on the outside but the inside is gonna stink! Well I don't like to use the word 'stink' but it gives off more of a punch doesn't it?

April Fools! (Except It's Not Funny)

These tariffs are set to kick in on April 2nd. April Fools! Except for these automakers it's no laughing matter. The White House says it's gonna rake in over $100 BILLION! That's enough to buy a whole lotta dynamite... or maybe just fix some potholes. Apparently even if you assemble your cars in America you're still gonna get hit if your parts come from overseas. Everyone's in the pool!

The Brauer Truth

Some smarty pants analyst named Karl Brauer says nobody's gonna escape this unscathed. He thinks it'll either eat into profits or jack up prices for the poor saps who actually buy these things. So what's the lesson here? Chaos is a ladder! Or maybe just maybe it's a really expensive car payment. Now now don't get all worked up its just a prank!... Or is it? Haha

The EU's Got Jokes Too!

Even the Europeans are chiming in! Some lady named Ursula von der Leyen is yapping about negotiated solutions. As if talking ever solved anything! People are predictable. Even chaos has patterns. But talking is a recipe for madness. And don't even get me started on this Joseph McCabe guy who says the tariffs are here to stay for at least a few weeks! Devastation he says! Oh the humanity! This is like watching a train wreck in slow motion and I for one am LOVING IT! Do I really look like a guy with a plan? You know what I am? I’m a dog chasing cars. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I caught it!