Trump's Tesla Showdown! Will Musk's Empire Survive New Tariffs?!

Wake Me When You Need Me: The President and the Cybertruck

Alright Spartans gather 'round. Seems like things are gettin' weird down on Earth. President Trump is talkin' 'bout tackin' a 25% tariff on all cars not made in the good ol' US of A. He mentioned Tesla CEO Elon Musk hadn't chimed in because of a possible 'conflict.' Conflict you say? I know a thing or two about conflicts believe me. Makes me wonder if Musk needs a good AI like Cortana to keep him on the straight and narrow. But hey at least Musk hasn't had to fight the Flood... yet.

Favor? I Don't Do Favors!

Trump also mentioned that Musk hasn't asked him for any business favors. Reminds me of the time I had to ask the Arbiter for help takin' down the Covenant. Didn't feel great but sometimes you gotta team up with the enemy. Anyway Musk is supposedly advising Trump and even threw in a cool $290 million for his campaign. That's a lot of credits even by UNSC standards.

DOGE Days Are Over?

And get this: Musk is leadin' the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). DOGE? Sounds like something a Grunt would name. Apparently it's all about cuttin' government spending. Well I've seen government spending get outta control. Remember that time they spent half the budget on new paint for the Pillar of Autumn? Total waste of resources.

South Lawn Auto Show

Apparently Trump turned the White House lawn into a Tesla showroom. Five electric vehicles parked right there for inspection. He even said he'd buy a Tesla to show support. I bet he didn't try to drift in a Cybertruck though. That thing looks like it handles like a Warthog on ice. Musk stood right beside him as Trump called those vehicles 'beautiful.' Even praised the Cybertruck. Beautiful? Looks more like somethin' the Covenant would build.

Net Neutral? More Like Net Negative!

When asked if these tariffs would help Tesla Trump said they might be 'net neutral or they may be good.' Net neutral? That's like sayin' the Flood is 'mostly harmless.' Tesla themselves sent a letter saying they still need to import parts even with 'aggressive localization.' They're worried about the 'downstream impacts.' Sounds like somebody's been playin' too much Halo Wars.

Competition Intensifies!

Tesla's facing a whole army of competitors now with more electric models than ever. Their biggest rival BYD from China can't even sell in the US. Domestic automakers like General Motors Ford and Rivian took a slight hit after the tariff announcement. Everyone's holdin' their breath waitin' for the other shoe to drop. As for me? I'll stick with my Mjolnir armor. Runs on pure badassery. And maybe a little bit of duct tape. I need a weapon.