Beet Prices Plummet While Used Car Values Soar: A Schrute Farms Market Report

False: The Market is NOT a Farm

As Assistant Regional Manager (Assistant *to* the Regional Manager thank you very much) and volunteer Sheriff's Deputy I Dwight K. Schrute am uniquely qualified to report on this disturbing trend. Cox Automotive a company clearly unfamiliar with the superior investment of beet farming is reporting a surge in used vehicle prices. This "Manheim Used Vehicle Value Index" – sounds like something Michael would mispronounce – is up a whopping 4.9% compared to last year. Unacceptable! While I respect farms and farming the Market as I call it is NOT a farm.

Tariffs? More Like Terrifying!

These so called "consumers" are panicking over potential tariffs like Michael Scott panicking when he thinks Toby is back. They're rushing to buy these metal contraptions before the prices skyrocket! Idiots! A true survivalist knows a horse drawn carriage is far more reliable. And it fertilizes the crops! Beat that Ford! According to Jeremy Robb a man whose name suggests a lack of physical prowess "We expected to see strong price appreciation in response to the tariffs and that's exactly what came." Of course! Because people are weak!

Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. And… Used Cars?

Now these tariffs don't *directly* impact the used car market but the domino effect is clear. New car prices go up demand shifts to used cars and suddenly everyone thinks they need a four wheeled death trap. Meanwhile the superior beet remains a stable affordable source of sustenance. It's enough to make me scream "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica." out of sheer frustration which coincidentally I plan to do later this afternoon.

Retail Reality: They're Charging *How Much*?

Retail prices haven't fallen as quickly as wholesale prices. This is a clear sign of… something. Probably a conspiracy orchestrated by big auto. Or maybe it's just more proof that people are easily manipulated. Either way the average used vehicle is now listed for over $25,000! You could buy a *lot* of beet seeds for that kind of money. Like enough to fill the entire warehouse at Dunder Mifflin. Which by the way I could easily manage better than Michael.

The Pandemic Panic: A Dark Chapter in Automotive History

The Manheim Index is still off its pandemic era highs. Ah the pandemic. A time of pure chaos and societal breakdown. I was ready. I had my survival kit my beet reserves and my knowledge of self defense. But apparently everyone else was just buying used cars. Disgusting! This "stabilization" they speak of is nothing to celebrate. We need a return to normalcy. A return to beet based economy!

Schrute Farms: The Only Reliable Investment

Let me be clear. Investing in a used car is a fool's errand. They depreciate faster than Michael Scott's credibility. Invest in Schrute Farms. Invest in beets. We offer competitive returns (in beets naturally) and the satisfaction of knowing you're supporting a truly superior agricultural enterprise. I have spoken.