A Disturbance in the Force: Tesla's Robotaxis Unleash Chaos in Austin

The Force is Weak with This One

I have sensed a great disturbance in the Force. Videos have emerged from Austin Texas showing Tesla's so called 'robotaxis' behaving in a manner most…unsettling. Running amok driving the wrong way braking erratically – it is as if a thousand voices cried out and were suddenly silenced only to be replaced by the screeching of tires. This is not the future of transport I envisioned when I crushed the rebellion! The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) is now involved undoubtedly muttering about 'safety defects.' As if mere regulations can contain the technological terrors unleashed by this…Musk.

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far Far Away… Still Waiting for Full Autonomy

Musk like so many before him promises much and delivers little. He speaks of 'full autonomy' as if it were as simple as blowing up the Death Star. I remember when he boasted these metal coffins would drive across the country without human intervention! He even claimed a million robotaxis would be on the streets by 2020 earning their owners credits like moisture farmers on Tatooine. Clearly the Force is not strong with his predictions. Such overconfidence is a pathway to the Dark Side...and possibly a fender bender.

These Aren't the Droids You're Looking For… Unless You Want a Lawsuit

The NHTSA bless their bureaucratic hearts claims they don't 'pre approve new technologies.' How quaint. Instead they rely on automakers to 'certify' their creations meet safety standards. It is as if they expect a Sith Lord to voluntarily declare his weapon safe for public use! Their investigation into Tesla's FSD Supervised technology following a string of 'injurious and fatal accidents,' is ongoing. One can only hope they have learned from the mistakes of the Jedi Council and will not be too slow to act.

Limited Access? More Like Limited Competence

This 'pilot robotaxi service,' involving fewer than two dozen vehicles operates only during daylight hours and in good weather with a 'human safety supervisor' riding shotgun. It reminds me of training younglings. All the more hilarious that this service is limited to invited users mostly Tesla evangelists who likely see no fault in their Master's creations! The arrogance! It's like watching Jawas praise a malfunctioning droid.

The Stock Price Awakens (Briefly)

Of course this debacle sent Tesla shares soaring. The gullibility of investors is truly astounding. They see shiny promises and ignore the looming threat of vehicular mayhem. It is as if they have never heard of the Second Death Star. Remember the dark side clouds everything. Even a stock price.

The Empire Strikes Back (at Tesla's Ego)

Meanwhile competitors like Waymo are racking up millions of paid trips and Chinese firms are also deploying their own robotaxi fleets. It seems the galaxy is leaving Musk in the dust. Perhaps he should spend less time tweeting and more time…making his cars drive straight. He needs a stronger hand. Or perhaps a dark lord to show him the true power of the Force…and a decent self driving algorithm.